This is self-work, and I'm Dr. Margaret Rutherford.

At self-work, we discuss psychological and emotional issues and what you can do about them,

whether that's learning self-acceptance, taking action, or seeking therapy or treatment.

Eight years ago, I extended the walls of my practice to reach those of you who might already be knowledgeable about middle

health treatment, but also to those of you who might say, you'd never darken the door of a therapist.

And yet, you are here. I'll answer your questions while I invite you to take a few minutes for your own

self-work. Chronic exposure to parental conflict can lead to long-term psychological issues for

children, including increased anxiety, depression, and difficulties in their own adult relationships.

Conversely, children who see their parents transition into healthier situations post-divorce

often learn valuable lessons about self-care and managing relationships.

Welcome to this week's edition of Self-work.

Messy marriages are all over the place, and living through them and maybe grieving

them can at times be extremely complicated if you're in one. In today's self-work episode,

whether you're grieving the death of someone with whom you've had a complex and even hurtful

relationship, or whether that marriage or relationship is coming to an end, you're often needing

to grieve that person's impact on you. With Valentine's Day fast approaching, a date that people

often have great fun with or hate living through, it's important to realize that not all grief

belongs with good or meaningful relationships. Maybe you were estranged. Maybe the relationship

or marriage has taken you down paths that you didn't want to go or never thought you would.

And you have difficult feelings about that. Grieving this kind of relationship can feel contradictory.

Why would you need to grieve someone's life or simply their presence in your life if they'd hurt you?

Or if you regret either getting married or staying married.

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