This is self-work, and I'm Dr. Margaret Rutherford.

At self-work, we discuss psychological and emotional issues and what you can do about them,

whether that's learning self-acceptance, taking action, or seeking therapy or treatment.

Eight years ago, I extended the walls of my practice to reach those of you who might already be

knowledgeable about middle health treatment, but also to those of you who might say you'd never

darken the door of a therapist. And yet, you are here. I'll answer your questions while I invite

you to take a few minutes for your

own self-work. All of this can be difficult and unwieldy. What I try to do as a mental

health clinician is to make sure that as many potential dynamics or circumstances are covered

that can affect the physical and emotional

well-being of the child and of the members of the family, and that the parents are making

as clear choice as they can. Welcome to this week's edition of self-work. We're talking about

sexual abuse on self-work today, so please, if you have sexual abuse in your

history or have somehow been affected by it, please listen, carefully, and take care of yourself.

Sometimes I receive a voicemail where I can hear the stark heartache that's behind the message,

and this week was no exception. The hurt expressed was palpable for me,

not only hurt, but confusion and a huge sense of loss. Who was it from? She's a mom, a daughter,

and a therapist. Let's call her Lisa. So what happened? Lisa's very young daughter had told her that her mother's husband, Lisa's stepfather, had sexually molested her. And she's struggling to handle the consequent tsunami of family distrust and estrangement between the members of her family, which in this situation is very common, but still very painful. At the very time she feels she most needs

her mother, her mother has taken her stepfather's side and believes her granddaughter is making

up something that didn't happen. Maybe some of you tried to talk to a parent or a teacher or a pastor

about being hurt sexually or any other way in your family. Not only were you not believed, you might have been blamed or warned not to tell lies about

your family or the perpetrator.

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