#470 Pain Is Inevitable, But Suffering Is Optional
Happiness Podcast
Dr. Robert Puff, Ph.D.
4.4 • 920 Ratings
🗓️ 16 February 2024
⏱️ 15 minutes
🧾️ Download transcript
Summary
Pain is inevitable because it's a natural part of being human. We experience challenges, losses, and setbacks, leading to unavoidable emotional and sometimes physical pain.
Suffering, however, is not just the pain itself. It's the mental and emotional anguish we create around the pain. This includes negative thoughts, dwelling on the past, resisting the reality of the situation, and clinging to what we've lost. Suffering amplifies the pain and makes it much worse.
The key idea here is that we have some control over the suffering aspect, even though we can't escape the pain entirely. Here are some ways to make suffering optional:
- Acceptance: Recognizing that pain is a natural part of life and accepting it can significantly reduce suffering. Fighting reality only creates more turmoil.
- Mindfulness: Focusing on the present moment and observing our thoughts and emotions without judgment can help us detach from negative narratives and rumination.
- Resilience: Building inner strength and coping mechanisms allows us to navigate challenges and bounce back from setbacks with less emotional upheaval.
- Perspective: Seeking a broader perspective on our problems and understanding they often don't define us can alleviate the feeling of being overwhelmed by suffering.
- Self-compassion: Treating ourselves with kindness and understanding during difficult times can significantly reduce negative self-talk and self-blame, alleviating emotional suffering.
It's important to remember that this doesn't mean ignoring pain or pretending it doesn't exist. It simply means acknowledging it while choosing not to let it define our experience and control our emotions.
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Transcript
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| 0:17.0 | Welcome to the happiness podcast. I'm Dr. Robert Puff. I remember once being on vacation and I stopped at a beautiful resort in Hawaii and wanted to see what the resort looked like and it was truly opulent. |
| 0:21.0 | While while I was looking around the main lobby, there was a couple who were getting the photographs taken because either they had just gotten married or they were going to get married. |
| 0:30.0 | The bride was very beautiful and she was probably about half the age of the groom and she seemed to be in a very happy joyful mood. |
| 0:38.0 | But I also watched the groom and I watched him for a while and he wasn't happy. Clearly something was bothering him. |
| 0:46.0 | You could see it on his face and it didn't get better because they were taking pictures |
| 0:50.0 | for a while and I periodically would look over at them and every time I looked at him he seemed |
| 0:54.8 | so discontent something was wrong he was clearly suffering even though it appeared that everything |
| 1:02.4 | in his life was at that moment perfect. |
| 1:06.5 | And I remember thinking how could his life look externally so good, yet he was clearly |
| 1:12.3 | suffering. But I've traveled a bit around the world I remember once when I was younger going to Egypt |
| 1:18.1 | and I was there for quite a while I think I was there for about six weeks |
| 1:21.3 | So I got a meeting get to know many people while I was there. |
| 1:24.6 | Well one group of people were basically the garbage collectors of Egypt. They would go around |
| 1:30.1 | the city, collect garbage, bring it back to their their homes and they made their homes out of |
| 1:34.4 | the garbage and I visited and spent some time with a couple who had kids and compared to this man |
| 1:40.7 | in Hawaii their lives were probably best described as putrid, as many of us would |
| 1:47.4 | describe as disgusting. I didn't. I actually really enjoyed them, but it was surrounded |
| 1:52.0 | by garbage. they literally lived |
| 1:53.6 | amidst the garbage that they collected and made their homes out of the garbage and I |
| 1:58.4 | spent the day with this couple and really got to know them and again I watched |
| 2:02.4 | them I thought you know their lives are hard. There's a lot of pain in their lives. |
| 2:07.0 | But they weren't suffering. They loved their children. They were glad they were able to provide for their kids. |
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