#469: How FBI Negotiation Strategies Can Transform Your Relationships - Chris Voss

The Mark Groves Podcast

Mark Groves

Relationships, Society & Culture

4.9 • 5K Ratings

🗓️ 11 August 2025

⏱️ 60 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

In this episode, Mark sits down with legendary FBI hostage negotiator and Never Split the Difference author Chris Voss to unpack the art of communication that can transform every relationship. From tactical empathy to the neuroscience of feeling understood, Chris reveals how the same skills that save lives in crisis can deepen connection, defuse conflict, and build lasting trust in love. They explore why compromise often erodes intimacy, how self-talk shapes our relational patterns, and what it really takes to be heard. This episode is a masterclass in emotional intelligence, communication, and relational mastery—don’t miss it. Chris Voss, known as “The Master Negotiator,” earned his title as the former lead international kidnapping negotiator and head of crisis negotiation for the FBI’s New York City Division. With decades of high-stakes experience, he helped shape the negotiation tactics still used by the FBI today. After retiring, he taught business negotiation at USC, Georgetown, and Harvard, then founded The Black Swan Group to bring these powerful techniques to the corporate world. His best-selling book, Never Split the Difference, reveals how hostage negotiation principles can transform everyday communication, influence, and deal-making. Links: Website: https://www.blackswanltd.com/ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/thefbinegotiator/?hl=en Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/BlackSwanLTD/ Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/@NegotiationMastery Book: Never Split The Difference: Negotiation As If Your Life Depended On It This episode is sponsored by: Cozy Earth: Use code MARK for 40% off sitewide at http://www.cozyearth.com Avocado Green Mattress: www.avocadogreenmattress.com Get an exclusive 15% discount on Saily data plans! Use code MARKGROVES at checkout. www.saily.com/markgroves —Have a question For Mark to answer on the podcast?https://www.speakpipe.com/TheMarkGrovesPodcast —Have a question for Mark and want an immediate answer? Mark's Dexa page: https://ask.markgroves.com —Get our Relationship Toolkit: How to Thrive in Your Relationships: https://markgroves.com/relationshipmastery - Subscribe to Mark’s Substack to receive his weekly reflections and insights straight from his heart to your inbox. https://markgroves.substac...

Transcript

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0:00.0	Hello and welcome to another episode of the Mark Grove podcast. If you have ever even looked in for a
0:06.7	second and how to become a better negotiator, how to be better at influencing people, how to
0:12.0	build trust in communication, you're going to run into the work of Chris Voss. His book,
0:17.3	Never Split the Difference is incredible. He's a former hostage negotiator.
0:22.4	And really the skill set that we're talking about building that he developed through that work
0:28.7	is a skill set that we need in all relationships.
0:32.3	Now, look, if you're trying to get a deal on Facebook Marketplace, it's pretty good to read that book ahead of time. But the other thing is,
0:39.5	if both of you, you and your partner or you and someone you're dating, are trying to achieve
0:45.3	something together, you're going to have competing needs, competing thoughts, competing feelings.
0:49.7	Like these things are not always going to be the same. And that's actually a beautiful thing about being in relationship that the other person is not you, right?
0:58.0	And so learning these skills, being open to the influence of other people and being able to influence them, that's relating.
1:07.3	And doing it not from a manipulative place, but from a place of collaboration.
1:12.0	So with all that said, I'm so excited for you to hear or watch today's episode.
1:17.2	Wherever you're getting this podcast, please hit the subscribe button so you don't miss any future episodes.
1:22.8	And also the share button.
1:24.4	Share it with someone who you think could really use some understanding of how to be
1:28.5	a better negotiator how to be a better communicator and if you got sent this it's only from love
1:34.5	all right without further ado here's the episode with chris voss hello and welcome to another
1:41.1	episode of the mark groves podcast today i get to have chris Chris Voss on the pod. Welcome, man. I'm so excited to be chatting with you.
1:49.0	Yeah, thanks, Mark. Happy to be here. Thanks, having me on.
1:51.5	Well, you know, when I first got your book, I was actually negotiating on a car I was buying, and I had read your book, and so I was so excited to put into practice, is this some of the stuff?
2:01.9	And so I read quickly a little summary again. And I went into the negotiations and I crushed the
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