Hello and welcome to the amazing world of cat massage.

My name is Mary Jean Ballner and this is my wonderful cat champion.

In this videotape you'll learn that your cat doesn't want petting anymore.

Your cat wants a massage.

And we'll be able to show you how, based on my book,

Cat Massage. So continue watching and you'll learn to bring on power purring and mega meow

moments. When to Cat Massage? Whenever, computer keyboards, on the couch, cat massage makes

TV commercials bearable, and of course

on the bed. Our best massage techniques were developed here. Cat massage is the easiest way

to produce a cat smile and is a reliable source for cat giggles. Listen closely for cat giggles.

Sometimes, cat will approach you for massage.

You know what that's like.

He's rubbing up against you.

Or he'll simply give you a look that says,

Massage time.

TBTL.

Hey, you know if we knocked down that wall, it would really open the place up.

You know, clean up the blood, maybe add some French doors, maybe a ping pong table right there.

You know, I'm just riffing.

I don't know if it's video games or what, but it's so unfair to after something like this to blame people in the back seaters say they deserved it. Beads. Beads? Beads. Mmm. Ah. Gispacho soup just burned my lips.

The gazpacho? Yeah, it's been sitting out. It warmed up. It warmed up so much that it burned

your lip. Let me explain something to you. If you're expecting something ice cold and you bring it warmed up so much that it burned your lip let me explain something to

...