This is Ask Lisa, a podcast to help people understand the psychology of parenting, now in the midst of a pandemic.

Psychologist Dr. Lisa DeMore, author of two New York Times best-selling parenting books, takes your questions.

And I'm co-host, Rina Ninan, a journalist and mom of two.

Some of what we talk about comes from raising children ourselves. Most of the time, I'll be getting

answers to your parenting questions. So send your questions to Ask Lisa at Dr.Lisademore.com.

Episode 46, how do you help a kid who shuts you out?

So I love ice cream in the summer, but I found after Labor Day, I'm still eating ice cream

because it's the one way to get my kids to talk. I take them out for

ice cream and the whole world opens up. So that's awesome. First of all, I love ice cream.

How, like, when you say the world opens up, like, is it the car ride there? Is it while they're

eating the ice cream? Is it all of the above? Do you walk there? I don't know. I don't

know. And I think it's a problem sometimes when school starts and you want to get more information.

So I found that was a good way to do it. We got a letter, Lisa, from a mom who asked a similar

question about her son. And she says, Dear Lisa, what do you do when your 11-year-old doesn't want any input or questions and you know they're struggling?

My 11-year-old shuts me out when he's struggling with something, even if it's just asking a simple question like, how are you doing with this?

Do you keep asking questions or give them space? Do you come back to it?

Please help. What should she do, Lisa? Well, it's interesting, Nina, because you, so you've figured

out ice cream works to get your kids talking. Yeah. And, you know, so often, and on the podcast, too,

what we're talking about is when kids are kind of melting down when they're overflowing with feeling.

You know, I'm thinking about a couple weeks ago when you were telling us about your daughter, you know, when you guys were in Florida and her coming and just being upset and telling you about it.

And I think there are a lot of parents who were like, I wish my kid were melting down.

I wish my kid were coming and telling me what's making them upset. I can tell that they're

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