This is Ask Lisa, a podcast to help people understand the psychology of parenting, now in the midst of a pandemic.

Psychologist Dr. Lisa DeMore, author of two New York Times best-selling parenting books, takes your questions.

And I'm co-host, Rina Ninan, a journalist and mom of two.

Some of what we talk about comes from raising children ourselves. Most of the time, I'll be getting

answers to your parenting questions. So send your questions to Ask Lisa at Dr.Lisademore.com.

Episode 45, I don't like my kids' friends.

What should I do?

Do you remember that feeling when school started when you were a kid and everything

depended on whose class you were in and which friends were in your class. I mean, that determines

so much. Absolutely. And like I'm living it again. I bet in some ways you are too with my elementary

school daughter where every fall, you know, they're sort of eagerly awaiting the letter about

who her teacher is and then calling around to all her, you know, the other parents,

like, who do you guys have? Who do you guys have? Because they're kids, you know, she wants

in her class and wants to know they're going to be there. It's huge. It's huge. But, you know,

I think a lot about how do I have my kid understand what makes a good friend, who's a good friend?

I realized my parents didn't really

meddle much in the friends that I chose. They kind of were happy and didn't intervene. But we got

this letter from a mom that got me thinking and it says, Dear Lisa, we have three daughters, two are

teenagers and we also have a tween. We're pleased with so many friend choices they're making.

However, our oldest daughter, who is 17, chooses friends who show her lots of attention,

but do not provide the most positive peer influence. She struggles with self-confidence in social

situations, even though she's very bright, athletic, and accomplished. How can we address the confidence issue and, in turn, also address her choice of friends?

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