This is Jocko Podcast Number 447 with Eco Charles and me Jocko Willing.

Good evening, I go. Good evening.

I did not want to go to be part of a unit in which people would die,

but now it was a certainty.

How many deaths was the only unanswered question?

And I didn't want to become friends with these women and then have to deal with their grief when their husbands died

I had not spent much time in my life around grieving people very few people who I'm close to have died.

I didn't know how to help, what to say, what to do.

I didn't want the pain and the sorrow and the tears for them or for me.

I did not want to go.

When I said to the Lord, make this go away, it was followed by not my will, but thine be done.

So there was the mountaintop moment with more to follow. In the end,

the brigade lost 96 soldiers and Marines to hostile actions.

The death of each one was so costly.

Too many families no longer have their loving son, nephew, grandson, father, husband, or daughter.

It was the realization of my worst fears.

The news of each death tore at my heart and I worried for my

husband who felt responsible for each life.

And of course, I worried for his physical safety.

In this instance, as in my husband's other deployments, I asked that he be kept safe.

My very first mountaintop moment, in fact, was at the beginning of Sean's first deployment, Operation Desert Shield Desert Storm.

It was the biggest most profound leap in my journey of faith thus far. I placed my soldier firmly in God's hands and then said protect

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