445 SelfWork: Fighting for Ella: A Conversation About Suicide Preventionwith Martha and Chris Thomas

The SelfWork Podcast

Margaret Robinson Rutherford PhD

Education, Health & Fitness, Mental Health, Self-improvement

4.7 • 1.2K Ratings

🗓️ 9 May 2025

⏱️ 45 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

Today on SelfWork, we're talking with a mother and father whose beloved daughter Ella, at age 24, died by suicide. And how they've dedicated their lives to suicide prevention.

I was introduced to Martha and Chris Thomas through a family member who told me about their daughter’s suicide. They’ve chosen a path, along with their son Solomon, an NFL football player, to try and keep any other family from living through the horrific pain they've experienced. And more importantly, to keep others who might be going through what Ella was experiencing to consider suicide.

The Defensive Line...

First and foremost, they've created a non-profit suicide prevention website as well as offering many programs through it; It's called The Defensive Line. And they are reaching coaches, teachers, families - anyone who might not understand the pressure that young people, especially young people of color, are trying to handle.

Not only are they incredibly transparent about their own individual struggles. Solomon, who plays professional football battled suicidal thoughts himself after Ella’s death. Martha went to his NFL team leadership to help her help her son, “I can’t lose another child.” She realized that he might greatly resent her for that. But had to take the chance.

And Chris - drowning himself in alcohol to cope – and realizing that was far from the way he could honor Ella. Now he's sober and working alongside Martha and Solomon to reach more young people, especially young people of color. Ella’s struggles were complex, but some were rooted in the fact that she was biracial. She also experienced a brutal rape, which she kept a secret for years.

Working toward suicide prevention...

I’m honored to introduce the SelfWork audience to this family. Their ongoing mission is to speak anywhere and do anything they can to stop anyone from dying by suicide. Martha says quite fervently, “Ella should be alive.” Sadly, the way she is alive is through the dedication and love her family have for her.

I almost feel as if I know Ella. And hopefully, you will too. And realize that you can never take for granted that someone is “okay” because they seem “okay.”

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Transcript

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0:00.0	This is self-work, and I'm Dr. Margaret Rutherford. At self-work, we discuss psychological and
0:12.7	emotional issues and what you can do about them, whether that's learning self-acceptance,
0:17.9	taking action, or seeking therapy or treatment. Eight years ago, I extended
0:23.0	the walls of my practice to reach those of you who might already be knowledgeable about middle
0:27.1	health treatment, but also to those of you who might say, you'd never darken the door of a therapist.
0:33.1	And yet, you are here. I'll answer your questions while I invite you to take a few minutes for your
0:39.1	own self-work.
0:42.5	We'll go anywhere and we'll help anyone, but we really want to look at getting access to the resources
0:52.0	and the knowledge and help people to be honest about their shame with it
0:58.7	up front. And if we can do that, maybe people can save lots.
1:05.5	Welcome to this week's edition of Self Work. First of all, today, I want to read the first thing you see
1:14.5	on my guest's website. It says Ella Elizabeth Thomas died by suicide at the age of 24. She was the
1:23.0	brightest light in any room, bold, funny, charming, feisty, brilliant woman and beautiful.
1:29.3	Deeply loved and sorely missed, Ella's loss has led the Thomas family to create the defensive
1:34.9	line to help build a world in which no young person of color dies by suicide.
1:40.7	I was introduced to Martha and Chris Thomas through a family member who told me about their daughter's suicide and how they'd chosen a path along with their son Solomon to try and prevent any other family from living through the horrific pain they've experienced.
1:56.0	Not only are they incredibly transparent about their own individual struggles, with Solomon battling suicidal thoughts himself after Ellis' death,
2:04.4	to Martha going to his NFL team leadership to help her help her son.
2:09.3	She said, I can't lose another child,
2:11.4	even though Solomon might have greatly resented her for that.
2:15.0	You just don't do that in the NFL.
2:17.4	But also Chris told his
	...

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