434 - How Pastors Can Help Even if They're Not The Expert w/ Dr. Barbara Steffens

Pure Desire Podcast

Pure Desire Ministries

Sexual Addiction Recovery, Religion & Spirituality, Celebrate Recovery, Sexuality, Porn Recovery, Porn Addiction Recovery, Health & Fitness, Aa, Education, Betrayal Trauma, Recovery, Biblical Recovery, Christian Recovery, Healing, Sa, Christianity, Self-improvement

4.6 • 682 Ratings

🗓️ 28 October 2025

⏱️ 57 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

In this essential episode, we dive into a candid conversation about the role of pastors and church leaders in responding to sexual addiction and betrayal trauma within their communities. Many leaders feel illequipped—or even fearful—of “getting it wrong” when someone discloses their pain. Our guest, Dr. Barbara Steffens, offers practical wisdom on how pastors can take meaningful first steps, create shame-free environments, and offer spiritual care without needing to be counselors or experts. We explore common missteps leaders make, how to respond with grace when harmful advice is being given, and what it means to walk in both truth and compassion. For those seeking to make their churches proactive rather than reactive, this conversation casts a vision for what safe, healing spaces can look like—where both individuals and couples impacted by sexual brokenness can find support, truth, and lasting hope. Whether you're a pastor, ministry leader, or a concerned member of your church, this episode is packed with clarity, encouragement, and next steps.

Transcript

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0:00.0	Hello, hello there, good listener. I am your host, Nick Stumbo, and you are listening to The Pure Desire podcast. You're biblically based and clinically informed approach to healing from betrayal and breaking free from all forms of compulsive sexual behavior. Today you're listening to episode 434,
0:24.6	and it is part four out of four of a series we've been doing on healthy pastors and healthy churches.
0:30.9	And my guest today is one of my favorites. Dr. Barbara Stephens has been working in this area of
0:36.4	recovery for betrayed spouses for a long,
0:38.9	long time. And so with that, she's also worked with couples. And we had a conversation today
0:43.5	about how our pastors and leaders can be equipped to be helpers, even if they're not the expert,
0:49.3	because we know that most pastors, leaders did not get into ministry because they wanted to be an expert in sexual addiction.
0:56.2	We know that most seminaries and Bible colleges don't offer much coursework or direction around this.
1:02.8	So many leaders enter into ministry, ministering to people that we know statistically so many are battling with sexual brokenness or issues in their life,
1:11.8	but the pastor or leader doesn't feel equipped. And far too often that means they might not do
1:16.5	much of anything. And our hope is that today's show is an encouragement to any pastor or leader
1:21.6	to say you can be a vital part of someone's healing, even if you're not the trained professional
1:27.0	or the expert. And so if you're a listener who is not a pastor or a leader, even if you're not the trained professional or the expert.
1:28.4	And so if you're a listener who is not a pastor or a leader, I think you'll get a ton of
1:32.3	ideas today of what healing looks like and what church culture might do to be a part of that.
1:37.3	And also, you might become the resource in your church that could approach a leader or a pastor
1:43.1	or a friend in ministry and say,
1:44.7	hey, here's some great ideas of a way that you could help the people in our church that are
1:49.0	struggling. Because we really believe that ultimately churches must be that safe place,
1:54.0	that first line of defense or contact that when someone is struggling, when there's an issue that
2:00.2	comes out, that the church is the safe place.
2:02.4	And I think today's conversation really propels people towards that. So this may be the podcast
	...

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