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The Hardcore Self Help Podcast with Duff the Psych

432: What is High-Functioning Codependency? Terri Cole

The Hardcore Self Help Podcast with Duff the Psych

Robert Duff, Ph.D.

Health & Fitness, Robertduff, Education, Duffthepsych, Mental Health, Psychology, Selfhelp, Advice, Drduff

4.6 • 1K Ratings

🗓️ 28 February 2025

⏱️ 69 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

In this episode of The Hardcore Self Help Podcast, I sit down with the incredible psychotherapist and author, Terri Cole, to discuss high-functioning codependency, boundaries, and how we can break free from people-pleasing tendencies. Terri shares her own journey from working in the entertainment industry to becoming a therapist and how her personal struggles with boundaries led her to specialize in this area. We dive deep into the traits of high-functioning codependency, where it comes from, and actionable steps you can take to create healthier relationships and reclaim your inner peace.

What We Cover in This Episode:

  • Terri’s journey from talent agent to psychotherapist

  • Recognizing high-functioning codependency in yourself

  • How childhood and societal expectations shape codependency

  • The role of self-awareness and therapy in breaking codependency patterns

  • Practical tools for overcoming codependent tendencies

  • The importance of setting boundaries and learning to say no

  • How to conduct a resentment inventory and why it’s helpful

  • Addressing difficult family dynamics around social and political issues

  • How Terri’s book, Too Much, can help you break free from codependency

Timestamps:

00:00 – Introduction to Terri Cole and her background
01:00 – How Terri transitioned from talent agent to psychotherapist
16:00 – Recognizing high-functioning codependency
25:00 – Childhood & societal influences on codependency
30:00 – The importance of self-awareness and therapy
39:00 – Practical tools for overcoming codependency
42:00 – Navigating difficult family dynamics
49:00 – Setting boundaries and learning to say no
52:00 – Conducting a resentment inventory
58:00 – How Too Much can help you break free

Resources Mentioned:

Connect with Me:

If you found this episode helpful, please consider sharing it with someone who might benefit. And as always, take care of yourself!

Transcript

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0:00.0

So high functioning codependency, my definition is it is you being overly invested in the feeling states,

0:06.0

the outcomes, the circumstances, the relationships, the situations, the finances, the careers of the people in your life,

0:13.0

to the detriment of your own internal peace.

0:16.0

Women who've killed themselves to have it all, and they're like, wow, this can't be it. And feeling

0:22.6

very unsatisfied in their lives. Because nobody knows them. Right? They're just checking boxes

0:27.8

and getting shit done, but not from a place of authenticity. Your boundaries are made up your

0:34.4

preferences, your desires, your limits, and your deal breakers.

0:38.3

So it's never really, it's not a lever to control them, and this might sound like

0:44.3

semantics, but I don't feel like it is. We were trained, we were indoctrinated, and we can,

0:49.3

that shit is learned, and we can, unlearn it, and empower ourselves around it, but we're changing it.

0:59.2

Like what's happening in society, it's the people who are being oppressed by this that are

1:04.2

doing the best that they can to change it.

1:06.1

And that's what I feel like this is.

1:07.1

When we stop being high functioning codependence and we stop sort of towing this line,

1:11.8

we are now being cycle breakers generationally of like the next generation.

1:17.7

Yeah.

1:25.7

Hey friends. This is the hardcore self-help podcast. I'm your host, Dr. Robert Duff. Today on the show,

1:30.3

I have Terry Cole. Terry is a licensed psychotherapist, a boundary expert, and the author of Too Much,

1:35.9

a guide to breaking the cycle of high functioning codependency. Terry has spent decades helping people

1:40.8

recognize and break free from patterns of overfunction, overgiving, and chronic people pleasing.

1:46.3

In this conversation, we explore high function and codependency, what it is, how it sneaks into our lives,

1:51.6

and what we can do to reclaim our time, energy, and peace. Terry also shares personal stories,

...

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