425: “Should” Season is Out
School of Self-Image
Tonya Leigh
4.8 • 1.1K Ratings
🗓️ 22 January 2025
⏱️ 26 minutes
🧾️ Download transcript
Summary
Transforming 'Should' into 'Desire': A Journey to Self-Discovery
The word "should" carries significant weight in our lives, often representing obligation and criticism. In this podcast episode, Tonya Leigh explores the profound impact that this single word can have on our mental and emotional well-being. When we use "should," it typically conveys a sense of duty or correctness, suggesting that there is a right way to do things. This inherent judgment can lead to feelings of shame and guilt, ultimately hindering our personal growth and fulfillment.
She shares a relatable story about a listener named Jeanette, who eagerly anticipates Tonya's annual Live Like an Editor workshop as a tool for success. Tonya emphasizes the importance of breaking free from the cycle of "shoulds" that keep us playing small and reflects on her decision to take January for deep reflection before diving into the new year.
Tune in to discover strategies for overcoming the pressure of expectations and embracing your true desires.
Talking Points:
00:32 - Breaking Free from "Shoulds"
01:56 - Reflecting on the New Year
03:31 - The Concept of "Should Season"
05:09 - Definition of "Should" and Its Implications
08:00 - The Harm of "Should" in Personal Growth
10:24 - Internal "Shoulds" and Self-Criticism
13:31 - The Pressure of Societal Expectations
16:14 - The Paradox of Self-Acceptance
19:25 - The Body Test for True Desires
23:32 - Building a Life Based on True Desires
24:56 - Conclusion: Embracing True Desires
Quotes:
"It's when shame and guilt becomes your compass instead of desire being your guide."
"To argue with reality is to argue with God and you only lose 100% of the time."
"The curious paradox is when I accept myself as I am, then I can change."
"It's only when I've gotten in touch with my true desires and made those the goals that I have had years where I felt excited, where I felt aligned, where I felt like I was moving towards my own North Star."
"If you are building a life off of fear and shame shoulds, you are going to be building a prison for yourself."
"Your desires are never wrong. They're simply showing you the way home to yourself."
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Transcript
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| 0:00.0 | Have you ever noticed how the word should seems to follow us around like a critical friend, |
| 0:06.1 | constantly whispering in our ear everything that we're not doing right? Maybe you've experienced |
| 0:11.6 | the familiar heaviness in your chest when someone tells you how you should be doing things, |
| 0:16.4 | or that not in your stomach when scrolling through social media and thinking about all of the things |
| 0:21.0 | that you should be doing with your life. Well, today, we're going to explore why this single word |
| 0:26.8 | might be the biggest obstacle standing between you and what you truly desire. And more importantly, |
| 0:33.7 | how to finally break free from the endless cycle of shoulds, they keep you actually playing small. |
| 0:39.3 | So let's dive in. |
| 0:42.6 | Welcome to the School of Self Image, where personal development meets style. |
| 0:47.7 | Here's your hostess, Master Life Coach, Tanya Lee. |
| 0:52.2 | Hello, hello, my beautiful friends. Welcome to another episode. I have a fun story to tell you. |
| 0:59.0 | I was in the grocery store a few days ago and this woman comes running up to me and she was like, |
| 1:05.5 | Tanya Lee, is that you? And I turned to her and I was like, yep, it's me. And she was so lovely. Her name is |
| 1:13.0 | Jeanette. And she told me that she's been listening to the podcast for about three years. So |
| 1:18.7 | she has been around for a long time. And she told me that one of the things that she looks forward |
| 1:24.4 | to every year is doing my Live Like an Editor Workshop. And she was like, |
| 1:30.0 | why haven't I seen it this year? She was like, it's the one thing that I do every year that really |
| 1:34.6 | sets me up for success. And I told her, like I'm telling you right now, we are doing it. We are doing |
| 1:41.8 | it in February this year. I intentionally took the month of January to really |
| 1:48.6 | slow down and to spend some time in deep reflection. I do think we jump into the new year |
| 1:56.7 | sometimes with that new year, new you energy, which is why January the 10th is actually called |
| 2:02.2 | National Quitters Day, because historically, that is the day when people quit on their |
... |
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