Welcome to unfuck your brain. I'm your host Kara Lowentile, master-certified coach, and founder of the School of New Feminist Thub. I'm here to help you turn down your anxiety, turn up your confidence, and create a life on your own terms, one that you're truly excited to live.

Let's go.

Welcome to this week's coaching hotline episode where I answer real questions from real listeners

and coach you from afar.

If you want to submit your question for consideration, go to unfuck your brain.com forward slash

coaching hotline, all one word, or text your email to plus one 347-997-1784. And when you get

prompted for the code word, it's coaching hotline, all one word. Let's get into this week's questions.

It's the first question. I think I recently really internalized that I don't cause somebody

else's thoughts and feelings. However, does this also mean I have nothing to do with the love

my fiance feels for me? If nothing I say or do causes his love, am I not replaceable by any other

human being? I find

these thoughts really depressing and love your insights on this question. So I think this is such an

interesting question, but what I want to ask you first is, why is it depressing? Why is it

depressing that your fiancé could love someone else? Right now he loves you, and that's awesome and

amazing. And right now you think, like, oh, it would be depressing to think that he could love someone else. But now he loves you and that's awesome and amazing. And right now you think like,

oh, it would be depressing to think that he could love someone else. But imagine a time when that

wouldn't be true. What if in 20 years you've had an amazing relationship and you decide that

it's come to an end and you want to be with someone else? You would have really hope that he

could love someone else instead of you at that point. There's no inherent depressingness to the idea that someone who loves us could also love someone

else. It's what you're making it mean. So the thought isn't depressing on its own. It's what you're

making that mean. You also have jumped from, I don't cause his love to I'm'm replaceable by any other human being, as if sort of that's a problem or as if, like, we could swap someone else in and he wouldn't notice.

Right. It's such an interesting way of thinking about love. Your fiancé presumably loves you because of his thoughts about you. Now, yes, he could love somebody else if he had thoughts

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