41. The Bird That Learned About Weekends

The Story Must Be Told

The Last Podcast Network

Arts

4.8 • 530 Ratings

🗓️ 6 November 2018

⏱️ 25 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

On Saturdays, I make love to leisure. On Sundays, I caress the gentle, sweaty folds of relaxation. Yes, we’re all lovers of “time off,” but we never think to question the unholy rhythm it creates—a cessation of nature’s beating heart. The Story tells us clearly: to stratify the days into rude geometries is a sin demanding the utmost punishment. The Story will cut off the feet of any weekend warrior, consume the hands of any weekday apologist. Invocation Psalm: “Daddy, the Fuckman” Liturgical Reading: “The Bird That Learned About Weekends” Concluding Prayer Next Tuesday we will be here for you and we will never leave you ever ever ever. The Story is the only source of good in the world, and the only happy truth in a world of uh ohs and nuh uhs.

Transcript

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0:00.0	It's a Tuesday.
0:28.7	The one day a week that the story descends to us mortals and fills us with the story's healthy story.
0:40.3	Oh story, that story does story us with stories to make stories well, to make stories cry, to make stories story, like a goddamn storybook. Do not yearn for weekends, for your salvation is now at hand Tuesday style.
0:49.3	In the words of our ancestors, the story must be told.
0:53.3	The story must be told.
0:55.0	We toil, and we work all week so that we might enjoy a weekend reprieve.
1:04.0	Yet other animals, they have no such luxury.
1:08.0	Do dogs stop licking on the weekends?
1:10.0	Do kitty cats stop sniff-sniffing and shit-barying
1:14.5	come Saturday morning? Does the cow not make moo-moo milk on Sundays? Of course not. We are
1:24.3	errant animals to divide the weak so.
1:28.8	Live with the story in your heart, so every day is the same.
1:34.2	A Tuesday.
1:35.9	Live like a dog, live like a kitty, live like a cow.
1:39.3	The cow who moo-moos until firm hands wrench white from nips numbering five numbering six depends on the utter
1:48.3	but like that moo-moo milk let the following psalm drip into thy opened mouth and sup on the
1:58.7	story's story sister colisto we invite you to the altar.
2:07.6	My daddy is a fuck man. He fucks whatever he does see. He fucks Monday morn till Friday night,
2:16.6	but the weekends are fuck free.
2:20.4	Saturday comes around, and we wake to the smell of grits.
2:25.2	The fuckman has no love for fuchs, but spends his weekends taking shits.
2:31.9	We feed him on the toilet.
	...

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