407 - This Conversation Could Save Your Relationship | Harville & Helen

The Marie Forleo Podcast

Marie Forleo

Education, Self-improvement

4.7 • 1.7K Ratings

🗓️ 20 August 2024

⏱️ 54 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

What if all your relationship problems could be solved with a single conversation? In today's #MarieTV, Doctors Harville Hendrix and Helen LaKelly Hunt dive into the simple conversation tips that brought their marriage back from the brink of divorce. These techniques have helped millions of couples save their relationship - including mine!

WHAT'S COVERED IN THIS EPISODE:

00:00 - The #1 misatke that kills relationships
03:34 - How to guarantee a successful, happy marriage
06:35 - The secret to finding a win-win (even when YOUR needs conflict with your partner's)
09:35 - Why women should never be "submissive" to their partner
12:50 - How to rebuild trust after a big blowout
20:00 - The magic words that reveal anyone's true feelings
21:05 - Why Harville and Helen almost came to blows on their first date
27:05 - The "appointment" method for getting what you truly want from your partner
29:00 - Word-for-word scripts to fix most relationship problems
31:30 - The shocking relationship mistake that can actually kill you 😱
33:28 - Do THIS to instantly snap someone out of "defensive mode"
40:29 - The 3 things you MUST do to create loving relationships that last

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MORE RESOURCES FOR YOU:

FREE TOOL FOR TOUGH TALKS: Setting and protecting your boundaries is key to any successful relationship. If you'd like more help navigating those tough conversations - get my word-for-word scripts for saying "no" with kindness and class. → https://www.marieforleo.com/blog/how-to-say-no-ultimate-guide

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Transcript

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0:00.0	I came here with my biggest enemy. I'm leaving with my best friend.
0:05.1	Took his wife and went and of course everyone just cheered.
0:10.6	What are some of the most common communication mistakes that all of us can make in
0:14.9	relationships, whether it's our intimate partners, our friends, our coworkers, our
0:19.7	teammates, and what's the first step in starting to transform that?
0:23.7	The basic mistake that most people make in a relationship is to assume that their partner sees
0:31.0	the world the way they do. And then to behave as if that's true and
0:37.5	then to be shocked and judgmental when it turns out not to be true. But that's reality, that nobody sees the world the way you do.
0:48.4	Everybody sees the world differently. And that's what's normal. What's abnormal is to assume that that's not normal. So what
0:57.0	that means is that in order to not have a relational problem or to resolve a relational problem, you have to learn
1:07.4	something that we think is relatively new in the human scene, which is listening, that in order to listen, when you listen,
1:19.3	you get to know that you are living with somebody different from your fantasy about who they are.
1:26.2	So to listen is to discover the otherness of your partner and then in order to make that work you have to not only discover it.
1:35.0	I've had a sort of giggled because many times in the process it's like, well I got it clear who you are, but that, but you suck.
1:43.7	You're worse than what I thought.
1:47.4	You were before I got to know you.
1:49.2	But you, so you have to discover, this is the person you're with and they live in that
1:59.4	world and your job is to share your worlds without judgment and then, and stay in that so that that becomes
2:10.1	very exciting and creative if judgment is removed.
2:13.4	But if you judge each other's world,
2:15.6	then that's a pathology because there's
2:17.4	nothing you do about your world, except share it
	...

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