Hey fam, Patrick here.

Before we get to the show, I've got a big announcement, everyone.

Guess what?

I'm going back on tour.

So the point of this tour is for me to get to see all of you in person and for you all to meet TCOFAM in your area.

The tour is a storytelling event that turns into a party.

So for the first part of the evening,

I'm going to tell you a story about a disastrously hilarious evening I spent with Golden

Girl's icon herself, B. Arthur. It was a disaster because I was obsessed with her and she

couldn't stand me, but she was stuck with me for the entire evening. She drank, she sang,

she thought my name was Peter.

And because I'm extra fam,

we've brought in the incredible B. Arthur impersonator,

Jason B. Schmidt,

who'll be appearing via video to play the role of B. Arthur from beyond the grave,

giving her take on this whole ridiculous situation.

It's wild and hilarious and very similar to the book party tour I did last year,

except this time I've got the story fully memorized.

The story part lasts a little bit less than an hour,

and then we'll all go to the venue bar.

We've got the venue to ourselves for the entire night.

It's a cash bar where we'll drink, we'll mix and mingle,

...