Welcome to unfuck your brain. I'm your host Kara Lowentile, master-certified coach, and founder of the School of New Feminist Thought. I'm here to help you turn down your anxiety, turn up your confidence, and create a life on your own terms, one that you're truly excited to live. Let's go.

Welcome to this week's coaching hotline episode where I answer real questions from real listeners

and coach you from afar. If you want to submit your question for consideration,

go to unfuckyourbrain.com forward slash

coaching hotline, all one word, or text your email to plus one 347-997-1784, and when you get

prompted for the code word, it's coaching hotline, all one word.

Let's get into this week's questions. Here's the first question. I'm struggling with body image. I've read anti-diet and the fuck-it diet I've been working on intuitive eating. I'm really getting stuck on the fact that my parents were so mean to me about my body. I remember being a size six in high school of my parents being mean about my weight. I'm now a plus size.

I find myself changing clothes in the morning and saying to myself, no one wants to see that, you're too big to wear that. Those are the things my parents used to say to me. If my own parents couldn't love me when I was way smaller, how can I love myself or accept that anyone could love me romantically, especially now that I'm way bigger. So what you're assuming

is that your size actually had anything to do with what your parents said to you and that they

didn't love you, right? There's a lot of jumps in here. So number one, people can love someone

and still say things to them about their weight because love is a feeling created by your thoughts

and the action of saying things about someone's weight is created by a different thought about their weight. That's something people really don't understand when they are like, well, if you love someone, how could you do X, Y, Z? We're just different models. Loving someone just means you have thoughts about loving them, right? If you really want to think about it, I think emotions only happen in like discrete moments. So really when we're saying I love someone, what we mean is like, this is a person that I sometimes think about loving, right? And that's what it means when we love them. This is a person that I sometimes think positive thoughts about and feel feelings of love about them. And then sometimes I think negative thoughts and feel negative feelings about them. So number one, you're assuming that because they said something to you about your weight, they didn't love you. You have no idea if that's true. But even if that were true, which again, you have no idea if that's true. My guess would be it isn't, but also, right, for anyone, like, loving someone has nothing to do with the things

you might say to them, really, because those are just two different models. Even if that was true,

even if they said it to you because they didn't love you, you're assuming, you say if my own parents

couldn't love me, as if, like, the fact that they're your parents means they would be the most likely

to love you, right? And

they would have the lowest barrier and lowest bar to loving you. Again, not necessarily true.

All depends on the person's thoughts. Your parents are just humans who had models in their own

brains. Yes, a lot of parents have models that they love their kids, and some parents have models

that they don't love their kids. Just because someone gave birth to you does not mean that

their models are going to be a certain way, right? So your second assumption is that basically

like parents are the most likely to love you, and if a parent doesn't love you, then like no one

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