4 Tips When Your Partner Starts Drinking

Love Over Addiction

Michelle Anderson

Relationships, Society & Culture

4.8 • 1.5K Ratings

🗓️ 1 September 2015

⏱️ 8 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

The disease of addiction can make you feel so little so fast. But, remember - there are three of you in this relationship: you, your partner, and this addiction. And it's important to remember that it's the evil disease called "addiction" that is killing your relationship, not your loved one.

Addiction wants to take you down. So what do you do when your partner's addiction has taken over once again and he or she is lashing out?

Today, I am going to give you four helpful tools you can start to use immediately to take back your power and help you feel in control.

Get out or hang up.

Your partner can't verbally abuse you if you are not around to be their punching bag. Leave the room. Walk away or hang up the phone. Respectfully. No yelling, slamming doors, or shaming (I know... it's hard).

Don't try to solve his issues.

This disease is cunning and strong. You will lose. The only one who stands a chance of taking this disease down is your loved one. Let him or her fight their own battles.

Don't engage in a fight.

Your attention feeds this disease. If you weren't there to nag or argue, your partner would be left with his or her depressing thoughts. And that feeling cannot be good. You will no longer become the scapegoat for those shameful feelings.

Surrender it all to God.

Give it all to Him because He is willing to take it on. Close your eyes and imagine giving all your problems, anxiety, and anger away. Do this every day and every time you need to, trusting that God will make all things right. Repeat "I surrender" over and over. You can even sing that hymn: "I Surrender All" - Faith Hill has an amazing version.

I know this seems hard, but too often we get dragged into this crazy addiction cycle. We blame our partner or worse - we blame ourselves for his or her drinking, drugs, gambling, or porn. We feel shame and we "own" their problems, taking responsibility for issues that don't belong to us. And then we get angry at him or her for lying and disappointing or at ourselves for putting up with it. It's a cycle. And it causes us to stay stuck.

We need to break the cycle of addiction by choosing to respond differently.

Doing one of these four things next time your loved one chooses to drink or use drugs takes back your power. And the rewards will be amazing. You will get stronger and healthier. You can do it! I am cheering you on with love and encouragement.

If you're ever looking for support on this journey, check out the three programs we offer. They are all work-at-your-own-pace and you'll have lifetime access, so you're able to take as long as you need. I know these changes take time. I'm here to support you and cheer you on.

Transcript

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0:00.0	You're listening to the Love Over Addiction Podcast. Now you may have heard me say it before and I will keep saying it but one of the ways we are
0:24.8	different is we believe you are not powerless over this disease. You don't need to sit back and wait for him to get sober to start to feel better.
0:38.4	And in our Love Over Addiction program, we go into great detail and come alongside of you and walk you step by step how to find
0:46.9	your love, peace, and happiness while loving an alcoholic or substance abuser.
0:53.0	But in this podcast, this is a very high level look.
0:58.4	We're gonna provide some quick, simple tools
1:01.6	that will give you inspiration and encouragement for the week.
1:07.1	We want to be the little positive voice in your head that's eventually getting louder and
1:13.6	louder reminding you that you can do it and to have hope. This disease can make you
1:21.9	feel so little so fast. But remember, there are three of you in
1:29.5	this relationship. There's you, there's him, and then there's this addiction. And it's important to remember
1:38.8	it's the evil disease called addiction that is killing your relationship, not him.
1:47.6	And the addiction wants to take you down.
1:52.1	So what do you do when his addiction is taken over once again and he's
1:56.2	lashing out? Today we're going to give you three helpful, actually four helpful
2:02.4	tools that you can start to do immediately that will take
2:05.8	back your power and help you feel in control.
2:09.5	So let's get right into it, okay?
2:11.7	Tip number one, get out or hang up. They can't verbally abuse
2:19.0	you if you're not around to be their punching bag. Leave the room. Walk away or hang up the phone.
2:29.3	Now you have to do this respectfully because there is rules to this. There's no yelling, there's no
2:35.6	slamming doors, and there's no shaming him. I know. I know for some of you including me that's really hard to do
	...

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