Welcome to Betrayal Trauma Recovery. This is Anne. Some of you may have noticed a video on Facebook that had an example of how to quote unquote not shame the addict that more or less put the addict in the position of victim

where he felt put upon by clergy or friends or family or his girlfriend or his spouse for

shaming him and not reacting in a way that meant his needs. We know that's ridiculous. This is a perpetrator of crimes.

Someone who has lied, been abusive, someone who has been unfaithful.

If he's really in recovery, the person who he would be concerned

about are his victims, not himself and how they're going to react to him.

An addict in recovery can face the

consequences of his actions, meaning he expects people to be angry and upset.

He's ready to have his clergy say, hey, this is wrong. What you've done is wrong.

That would be an expectation of someone who is in recovery to face the honest consequences of his actions.

When an addict is in victim mode,

they don't want to face the consequences of their actions,

they don't want to hear other people's anger

or anything that would make them feel bad about themselves.

But it's too late for that.

They feel shame for good reason.

They feel shame because they have been lying, they have been committing adultery, and they have been abusive.

I have Gary Wilson on the podcast today to talk about the facts that shame does not cause

addiction, that you can tell the truth

that you do not have to

enable a perpetrator

by treating him like a victim.

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