Welcome to the latest edition of Life on Planet Porky.

Thank you very much indeed for joining me today, folks,

because life on planet Porky means that I will tell you exactly how I see the way the planet should work,

what my conclusions are about living on this planet.

Planet Porky, of course, is also planet Earth

and how I can help and guide you through your lives, okay?

Now, first thing I want to tell you is that I've received an awful lot of messages

over the last few days because you will have seen a picture on my Twitter feed

of me posing underneath a sign which said MRI scam. Okay. Now, MRI scam,

not as a scam, I'm going mad. It said MRI, it's something like scam, but it's not scam.

Now, it means an MRI scan, I beg you pardon. Scan as in N for Nutter, not scam as in M for mother, if you see what I mean.

So the MRI scan I attended quite recently. As you know, I do have a number of health issues,

which have, you know, dogged me for the last 20 years or so. Started off with my heart,

of course, collapsing. Acute heart failure.

It's not something most people get over, but I did. Don't worry about that. And now, of course,

only one third of my heart works, but that one third is pumping away magnificently. Now, I've also

got frozen shoulder. I recently, by the way, had a bit of a problem in my right hand. I trapped it in the door of my car.

And I thought I'd broken my fingers, but in fact it just got very badly bruised

and damaged a couple of tendons.

But that's all coming back.

Don't worry about that.

The sciatica is a constant problem.

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