392: How to ask for what you need in a way that increases connection

Foreplay Radio – Couples and Sex Therapy

Cloud10

Sexuality, Health & Fitness, Mental Health

4.5 • 1.9K Ratings

🗓️ 16 June 2023

⏱️ 30 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

Everybody in a relationship needs to learn this! Join Laurie and George today as they discuss and teach an integral relationship skill, asking for what you need from your partner in a way that increases connection. Each individual in a relationship has their own set of longings. Expressing a longing in a vulnerable way is SCARY. It's scary because we fear a negative reaction from the person we love the most. That fear drives us to mask and express the longing in a more protected way. Instead of, "I miss you and I really want to spend time with you." We end up saying, "Oh, so you're going to be late again." And BAM, we are in a negative cycle. George and Laurie are experts at showing us how and why it goes wrong and the strategies to set it right. Make sure to download this episode and share it with your partner so you can both learn how to express your needs in a way that increases connection, emotional and sexual in your relationship today! Join us on September 8th at 9am EST for our virtual couples retreat, Great Love and Great Sex to learn more conflict resolution skills and keys to a more loving relationship and how to keep it hot after all these years! Check out our highlighted sponsor for this episode: Cozy Earth -- the most fantastic, softest, comfiest sheets you've ever slept on! Use the coupon code 'foreplay' to get 35% off site-wide! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Transcript

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0:00.0	The following content is not suitable for children.
0:02.4	We got to focus as pursuers on talking about our longings.
0:06.3	Frankly, I wouldn't mind if my withdrawing partner every once in a while talked about their longings, too.
0:11.5	Let's do it.
0:14.9	Welcome to 4Play Sex Therapy.
0:17.1	I'm Dr. Laurie Watson, your sex therapist.
0:19.4	I'm George Valley, a couples therapist.
0:21.9	We are here to talk about sex.
0:24.0	Our mission is to help couples talk about sex in ways that incorporate their body,
0:30.0	their mind, and their hearts.
0:32.0	And we have a little bit of fun doing it, right, G?
0:34.4	Listen and let's change some relationships.
0:37.6	Isn't that the whole damn point, Laurie?
0:40.0	The longings for connection, for positive emotions, desires, needs?
0:46.1	Like, that is why we're in relationships.
0:48.8	It's the heart of what we're striving for.
0:51.4	So to get better at putting our words to that, I think most of us think we're better at it than we are.
0:57.0	A lot of us will say, I want you to come home on time.
1:00.5	Like, you know, you'll say you want something, but you're really focusing on your fear,
1:07.9	your hurt that it's not happening, and you're trying to correct your partner's behaviors.
1:13.2	So that doesn't typically motivate the other person, say, oh, you want me, it lands as an
1:19.6	accusation, not an invitation, right?
	...

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