If I said to you right now, what is something that you know to be true that you don't live? That you know is nutritious to your soul and you don't do it. I guarantee you got at least one. And you probably got a massive one, one that's really causing your pain and you know it's causing your pain. And I'm saying, stop pretending you don't know. You're fucking Yoda, except you're not a little green guy. Hello and welcome to another episode of the Mark Rose podcast.

Today, I wanted to talk to you about change and what happens when we change and not only

what happens to us, but how does it impact the relationships in our lives?

And I want to talk to this because I want to be able to normalize that when you step into true

change, into transformation, and you start to find your voice, have boundaries, express yourself,

step into joy, quit drinking, quit smoking, lose weight, all these types of things.

What can happen is you will face resistance, maybe

rejection, maybe even feedback that is meant to get you back, quote unquote, in your lane,

back into the behaviors that have been agreed upon in the friendships, the relationships,

the family, the group that you are part of. It's normal when we're part of a system and you could think about it in your family.

If you're the one who kept quiet and you never really shared your opinions, your thoughts, your feelings,

and all of a sudden you are now, or you didn't have boundaries, you didn't express yourself, and you are now.

The system and multiple people in the system will try to get you back into your role of maybe being the people pleaser or the caretaker or the person who puts everyone else ahead of themselves.

This is what happens. When you change one aspect of a system, the other aspects of the system have to change.

So when you think about our own behavior, if we're someone who

generally adapts to the people around us, we accommodate the people around us, we're on

eggshells to the people around us, we're oscillating to the people around us, we're conflict

avoidant, then we are reacting to the world. Now, I would argue that almost everybody is shaping who they are

in their personality in accordance to what is in their environment in order to ensure group membership.

This is normal. As Gabor Mate talks about, all humans have two needs, the need to self-express

and be authentic and the need to belong, but when self-expression

threatens belonging, belonging usually wins. But it's not winning anymore with you because you're

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