374. The psychology of regret
The Psychology of your 20s
iHeartPodcasts
4.8 • 1.7K Ratings
🗓️ 12 January 2026
⏱️ 26 minutes
🧾️ Download transcript
Summary
In our 20s especially, the fear of regret can seem like every choice has the potential to ‘ruin’ our future - the degree we picked (or didn’t), the person we stayed with, the move we were too scared to make. And then there are the things we didn’t do at all, the opportunities we let pass, the words we never said, that still weigh on us years later.
In this episode, we’re unpacking the psychology of regret – what it actually is, why it’s so tied to self-blame, and how it can either keep us frozen or push us forward.
We explore:
• The role of upward and downward counterfactual thinking
• How regret can both motivate and stagnate us
• The four BIGGEST regrets people have
• The paradox of the ‘perfect’ decision
• Why we fear regret more than we feel it
• How to grow through regret with acceptance and compassion
If you want to quieten the ‘what if’ thoughts, this episode is for you.
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For business: psychologyofyour20s@gmail.com
The Psychology of your 20s is not a substitute for professional mental health help. If you are struggling, distressed or require personalised advice, please reach out to your doctor or a licensed psychologist.
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Transcript
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| 0:00.0 | This is an I-Heart podcast. Guaranteed human. |
| 0:08.5 | Hello everybody. I'm Jemma Spike and welcome back to the psychology of your 20s, the podcast |
| 0:14.6 | where we talk through the biggest changes, moments and transitions of our 20s and what they |
| 0:20.7 | mean for our psychology. |
| 0:27.6 | Hello everybody. Welcome back to the show. Welcome back to the podcast. It is so great to have you |
| 0:33.5 | here back for another episode as we break down the psychology of our 20s. Today's episode is |
| 0:40.2 | cutting right to the heart of so much of our fear and our doubt in our 20s. What if I regret the |
| 0:48.7 | decisions I'm making right now? Or what if I regret the decisions I'm not making? At the heart of I think every DM I get, |
| 0:59.1 | every discussion I have with you guys, the listeners, but with my friends, on dating, on jobs, |
| 1:04.9 | on money, moving, health, whatever it is. At the center of all that is a deep fear of regret. |
| 1:11.3 | There is like this vision we sometimes have in our mind of us looking back in 30 years, |
| 1:17.9 | looking back at this moment and thinking, here it is. |
| 1:21.3 | Like, this is the moment. |
| 1:22.8 | This is the decision I can pinpoint for me for when it all went wrong. |
| 1:31.2 | No doubt about it, this fear of like, |
| 1:38.9 | is this the moment that I realized like I messed up in the future? That fear is so amplified in our 20s almost counterintuitively because we actually often have so many opportunities and so many doors open |
| 1:46.5 | and so little room for regret at this point and so much future ahead of ourselves. |
| 1:52.2 | But it's ironic, but it creates this constant pressure to not mess it all up despite just being at the start. |
| 2:00.1 | So in this episode, I want to do a psychological |
| 2:03.1 | deep dive into what actually drives regret, what people regret the most, how to manage it |
| 2:10.8 | when it does show up. And why I actually think regret is one of the most motivating emotions we can actually access |
| 2:21.2 | as we plan for our futures. |
... |
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