373: De-Escalation of the Negative Sexual Cycle

Foreplay Radio – Couples and Sex Therapy

Cloud10

Sexuality, Health & Fitness, Mental Health

4.5 • 1.9K Ratings

🗓️ 3 February 2023

⏱️ 30 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

In EFT couples therapy, De-escalation is the first step in helping couples join against their negative cycle. A couple that is working on de-escalation works to identify their repeated move when they feel triggered, see their partner’s move and understand that it is a protection. Giving that move some permission. Lastly and most importantly, to turn and share this with their partner. During this stage in therapy, we can expect that this may result in a negative cycle. And while we don’t like that, we know it’s part of the process and because that cycle is so automatic. To gain success, couples therapists support partners in making micro moves to contribute to a new positive cycle. Couples and couples therapists will gain great knowledge from this episode and listening to Laurie and George’s role play that works through de-escalating a negative sexual cycle. Please check out our sponsors: Cosy Earth -- the softest sheets you'll ever feel; you'll want to be naked between these sheets for sure! You can receive 35% off site wide by using the code 'Foreplay'! UberLube -- Uberlube is our favorite personal lubricant. Smooth and silky it enhances your time together. Use the code 'foreplay' to get your discount! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Transcript

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0:00.0	The following content is not suitable for children.
0:04.7	Welcome to 4Play Sex Therapy. I'm Dr. Laurie Watts and you're Sex Therapist.
0:09.2	But I'm George Valle, you're Couples Therapist.
0:11.6	We are here to talk about sex.
0:13.7	Our mission is to help couples talk about sex in ways that incorporate their body,
0:19.7	their mind, and their hearts.
0:21.6	And we have a little bit of fun doing it, right G?
0:24.2	Listen and let's change some relationships.
0:27.7	George, there's stages in resolving our sexual issues.
0:32.8	And the first stage is we've got to de-escalate.
0:35.5	And we've got to know at that point, are we ready to move on to the stage two?
0:41.1	Or are we ready to really start digging in and solving the problem?
0:44.3	The first thing we've got to do is stop this vicious cycle of fighting and splitting apart all the time.
0:51.1	So we want to help people learn when are you de-escalated?
0:56.1	When is the fight damped down enough that you can actually hear each other
1:01.1	and move to the next phase where you can resolve things? Is that right?
1:04.6	That's right. We've talked a lot about the emotional cycle
1:09.2	and couples understanding who's the person pushing for connection
1:13.0	and who's the person who's trying to avoid fighting and criticism.
1:16.2	How did they start to understand their cycle and more importantly, uniting against it?
1:20.6	You got to unite against the negative cycle to then work towards new moves
1:24.8	and create a positive cycle.
	...

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