372: Plight of performance based sex

Foreplay Radio – Couples and Sex Therapy

Cloud10

Sexuality, Health & Fitness, Mental Health

4.5 • 1.9K Ratings

🗓️ 27 January 2023

⏱️ 31 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

Performance based sex is problematic for couples. A focus on performance can create anxiety. Sex is being thought about in the head (how long will my erection last? Are they liking this? My partner doesn't feel aroused, does that mean I don't turn them on?) rather than experienced in the body. Partners that focus on performance during sex are motivated by approval rather than intimacy and pleasure. Of course the sounds or faces our lovers make during the act are approving, inviting and exciting but if we focus solely on those reactions our nervous systems can go into a tailspin if there isn't a match. So, how do we take sex from performance focused to a more embodied experience? This episode addresses just that! Listen to George and Laurie discuss how to name the pressure, talk about it safely and help one another's bodies relax to get fully online for sex or come up with a different solution if sex isn't going to happen. Great lovers are relaxed and we have better results when we work on this together rather than in isolation. Check out our great sponsors: Uberlube - Laurie's been recommending Uberlube to her clients for years! Long before foreplay because it is soooo good for a great sexual experience. Use the code 'foreplay' so they know we sent you! Cozy Earth - These are the softest, sexiest sheets! So soft you'll want to be naked. They have pillows too! Check them out for a fun, long-lasting Valentine's gift. Use the code 'Foreplay' for 35% off sitewide! Factor - Factor takes the stress out of healthy living. They provide fresh, ready-prepared meals that support even the busiest of lifestyles! They shop, prep, cook, and deliver to your door for you so you can experience the benefits of clean eating without the hassle. Quick and easy! And delicious! Get 60% off your first box by clicking here! ZocDoc - You'll be able to find a specialist that you need, when you need it. ZocDoc is an app that will direct you to the exact medical specialist you need without a hassle. Try out the app today. Use the code 'Foreplay' so they know we sent you! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Transcript

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0:00.0	The following content is not suitable for children.
0:02.4	The pressure to be a great lover, Laurie, performance, sex, what do you think?
0:12.1	I think we should talk about it.
0:14.0	All right. I can feel a heaviness already as we're going to start talking about it.
0:21.0	Welcome to Poor Play Sex Therapy. I'm Dr. Laurie Watts and you're Sex Therapist.
0:25.6	I'm George Valley, a Couples Therapist.
0:28.0	We are here to talk about sex.
0:30.0	Our mission is to help couples talk about sex in ways that incorporate their body, their mind,
0:36.9	and their hearts.
0:38.0	And we have a little bit of fun doing it, right, G?
0:40.6	Listen and let's change some relationships.
0:43.7	Hey, don't forget to check out uberloop.com with the coupon for play.
0:47.6	It really helps us to support the podcast and keep delivering free content.
0:51.8	Thanks so much.
0:52.9	Performance sex. One of the things in attachment theory is there's there's
0:57.6	essentially four motives for the reason we have sex.
1:00.3	We have sex because it feels good.
1:02.8	Yeah.
1:03.6	We have sex because it creates intimacy between us.
1:06.8	We feel loved. We love make love to our partner.
1:10.3	Right. Sometimes we have sex because we just got to get to sleep or we just got to get off.
1:17.6	And that's okay most of the time.
	...

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