355. Why don't I enjoy sex that much?
The Psychology of your 20s
iHeartPodcasts
4.8 • 1.7K Ratings
🗓️ 18 November 2025
⏱️ 35 minutes
🧾️ Download transcript
Summary
Our 20s are sold to us as the decade of peak desire - full of passion, spontaneity, and effortless intimacy. But for so many of us, that isn’t the reality. When libido dips or fluctuates, it can feel confusing, isolating, and even shameful. In this episode, we ask why it is so common to struggle with libido in our 20s, what’s actually happening beneath the surface when desire feels distant, and how to make sense of the emotional and physical shifts that come with it.
We explore:
• How it feels when our libido fluctuates
• Why so many of us struggle with this in our 20s
• The dual control theory of sexual response
• Libido as a reflection of safety
• The role of hormones, stress and mental health
• Identity development and the impact of shame
• Tips to reconnect with pleasure
If you’ve ever wondered why you don’t feel the same drive as others seem to, this episode is for you.
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For business: psychologyofyour20s@gmail.com
The Psychology of your 20s is not a substitute for professional mental health help. If you are struggling, distressed or require personalised advice, please reach out to your doctor or a licensed psychologist.
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Transcript
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| 0:00.0 | This is an I-Heart podcast. |
| 0:02.5 | Guaranteed Human. |
| 0:08.5 | Hello everybody. |
| 0:10.0 | I'm Jemma Spike and welcome back to the psychology of your 20s, the podcast where we talk |
| 0:15.4 | through the biggest changes, moments and transitions of our 20s and what they mean for our psychology. |
| 0:28.9 | Before we get into it, I just want to let you know that this episode involves discussions |
| 0:34.0 | of sexual assault, harassment and trauma. |
| 0:36.9 | So if those subjects are things that you're |
| 0:39.4 | particularly sensitive to, please just consider whether this is the right time to be listening to |
| 0:44.4 | this episode and just make sure to take care of yourself. There will be additional resources |
| 0:48.7 | in the episode description. Hello everybody. Welcome back to the show. Welcome back to the |
| 0:54.1 | podcast. New listeners, |
| 0:55.7 | old listeners. It's so great to have you back. Today, I'm just going to cut right to the chase. |
| 1:00.9 | We're talking about sex. More specifically, we're going to talk about why some of us are just not |
| 1:06.2 | that interested. Why there are these periods where, you know, sex just kind of loses its appeal and, like, |
| 1:13.6 | isn't really enjoyable. I think we've been fed this story that your 20s are this decade of |
| 1:21.2 | peak sexual desire, passion, magnetism, sensuality, sexual confidence, you know, we might picture ourselves |
| 1:30.4 | having as much sex as possible and all the sex is good and, you know, whatever. |
| 1:37.5 | I don't think that picture is necessarily reality and what if instead you feel kind of |
| 1:43.1 | distant from your body, unenthusiastic about sex, |
| 1:46.5 | disconnected from your partner, or maybe just your own sensuality? To be super candid, and I know my |
| 1:54.6 | parents listen to the podcast, so mom, dad, family members, you can skip this one. But I feel like I've been quite open about some |
... |
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