It’s not your husband or your wife that’s the problem. The problem is the problem. Do you remember the part in your vows where it was spoken that the “two become one”?  That piece is talking about the two of you. The two of, now marriage, have became one. Newsflash: You are on the same team in your marriage and you need to start looking at life like you are on the same team not as rivals. You need to clearly identify your challenges / problems and know that these are not your spouse. Because when you are doing battle with each other, every interaction becomes another opportunity to win. Another chance to prove your point, to be right, to make your spouse see your point of view and take it. If your spouse is the problem then every challenge, argument, or interaction will have a winner and a loser. Someone who is right and someone who is wrong. Where is the love in that? There is no love and that’s why these conversations or arguments start to wear you out. You lose sight of what you're trying to accomplish in order to be right, to win. How many times have you been arguing (and it’s been going on for awhile) only to realize that you have no idea what the original problem was? Why is that? You are fighting each other instead of finding a solution to the problem. In this week's show Tony and Alisa talk about why you need to recognize that the problem isn’t your spouse, the problem is the problem. EPISODE SPONSOR | He Zigs, She Zags: Get Your Communication on the Same Path He Zigs She Zags gives you the tools that you need to have the communication you desire. This is not just about looking into each other’s eyes and sharing your deepest feelings, this is about giving the two of you a map to better communication. Get He Zigs, She Zags today! 6 Forms of Intimacy to Build a Strong Marriage 128 - Playing on the Same TEAM Support ONE Extraordinary Marriage by shopping at Amazon.com. Leave a review on iTunes | Submit a question | Call (858)876-5663 // Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices