Hello, scumbags, this is the scummy mummies podcast.

With your hosts, Ellie Gibson and Helen Thor.

Hello and welcome to the scummy mummies podcast.

It's not Madge Bishop from Neighbours.

Ha! Hello! Hello everybody! It's me, Ellie Gibson, with a sore throat. Oh, and it's me,

Helen Thorne, without a sore throat, but sitting very closely next to you in a delightful

Premier Inn in Northampton. Yes. What I like is that you've got to record your audio book next week. Yeah. So we already have the pre-guilts about what if I give you this sore throat, which I actually got of my son, just in time. So I'm sorry if that happens in advance. I'm trying really hard not to breathe on you. No, no, no. I think I'll be fine. You know, I'm fit as a malleable. I'm strong as an ox. I think just do the whole book as Mariela Frostrop anyway. Yes, yes. Also, with technology these days, they'll run it through a software. That's it. They'll put it in AI. They will, they will. It'll come out Saturday like Jan Leaming. That's a lovely contemporary reference for the kids. Exactly. Now AI should be able to do it anyway, but it won't be the same. Won't be the same. Won't give the same warmth. Yeah. Or as many mistakes. Anyway. Wampth and mistakes. That's what we should call our next show. The mistakes. That's our alter egos.

Yes, welcome in, listener.

Thank you for joining us.

It's just the two of us today.

No guest because we thought, you know what,

it's been a while since we did a Confessions special.

And in the last few months, Helen,

we have had some amazing confessions at our shows.

Unbelievably good. Like, you know, I can't even, well, I'm so excited about reading them. We just did a pre-skim, didn't we? Yeah. Oh, we were falling off our chairs. For some reason, everyone's just up their game in the audience. Yeah. They are things we have never thought of or heard of before. If you haven't heard our Confessions episode before or if you haven't been to one of our shows, what happens is we give everybody at the shows a card and a pen and we ask them to write down a scummy mummy confession. And then at the end of the show, we read out like the five or six best ones and we give up, we get the audience to vote on which is the best, quite often the filthiest, let's be honest.

Yeah. And then they win a prize. So that could be you, listener, by the way, obviously if you come to our show, scummymommies. But should we just crack on? Oh my God. I'm sort of almost, well, I'm over-excited because it sort of, these are the best of the best. Yeah. The best is the best.

This is like the, you know, we choose the sort of five or six best on the night out of, you know, hundreds. And then these are like the top top. So, yeah. So we save the best ones in a big carrier bag, which we're opening for you now. So let's begin. Look, these are just randomly assigned. I'll just put you a stack. Yeah. There, look, we're cutting your pack of cards. That's the cards that no one. Yes.

Yeah, I don't. Look, these are just randomly assigned. I'll just give you a stack. Yeah. There. Look, we're cutting your pack of cards.

That's the cards that no one. Yes. Yeah, I don't. Yeah. Okay. All right. Here we go. Okay, this one, I'm going to start. I'm going to come in strong, Helen. I'm going in your strong. Go. This is from a couple of months ago.

It's short and sweet.

It's one sentence, but it tells such a story.

You ready?

...