33: Thicc Darkness (The Book of Exodus, Part One)

Apocrypals

Chris Sims

Comedy, History

4.9 • 650 Ratings

🗓️ 10 February 2019

⏱️ 94 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

Get your shoes on and don't you dare leaven that bread, Theophiloi, because it's time to dive into the Book of Exodus! In this episode, we cover the first 18 chapters, including Moses's surprisingly violent origin story, 7+3 plagues, and Pharaoh's many, many ill-advised decisions. Plus, the ultimate #passoverhack: tacos.

Topics of discussion: Candlemas, LentMadness.org, Mary of Bethany v. Martha of Bethany: Dawn of Saintliness, the Main Dude of Judaism, God's surprising forgetfulness, God's even more surprising similarity to the Power Rangers, a very confusing circumcision, "Pharaoh Pharaoh" and its bespoke dance moves, Arbok vs. Ekans in Bible Times, the planet Drakulon, Double Blood, RAINING BREEEEEEEEEEAAAD! FROM A LACERATED SKY!, and God's delicious dandruff.

Hymnal: "Raining Blood" by Slayer

Offertory: If you enjoy the show, head to ko-fi.com/apocrypals and send us a love offering! We absolutely appreciate it!

Transcript

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0:00.0	But the Lord hardened Pharaoh's heart, and he was unwilling to let them go.
0:04.2	Pharaoh said to him,
0:05.3	Leave me.
0:06.1	Make sure you never see my face again, for on the day you see my face, you will die.
0:11.1	As you have said, Moses replied, I will never see your face again.
0:16.0	The Book of Exodus, chapter 10, verses 27 through 29.
0:20.4	Thank you. Chapter 10, versus 27 through 29.
0:43.6	Hello, friends and neighbors, and welcome to Apocrypal.
0:45.7	This is the podcast where two non-believers read through the Bible.
0:47.5	We try not to be jerks about it.
0:48.6	My name is Chris Sims.
0:50.6	With me, as always, the other set of footprints.
0:52.1	Mr. Benito Serino.
0:53.1	Benito, how are you today?
0:54.1	Very good, Chris. How are you,
0:54.9	man? The Suns of Thunder are doing all right. Yeah. As long as I have not caught the flu from my wife,
1:03.7	I will be pretty good. She's got it pretty bad, but as far as I know, my flu shot has proven to be more powerful than hers.
1:14.6	And so we'll see.
1:17.3	Yeah, I was going to say, man, you got to get the flu shot.
1:19.0	Herd immunity, baby.
1:20.1	Yeah, no, I got it and she did too.
1:21.8	But she works in a pharmacy.
	...

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