34: Thorn Bushes and Pushups (The Song of Songs)

Apocrypals

Chris Sims

Comedy, History

4.9 • 650 Ratings

🗓️ 24 February 2019

⏱️ 78 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

Happy Valentine's Day, Theophiloi, and might I just say, you're looking good today. Hair like goats, teeth like sheep, just dripping with myrrh... yes, all your parts are in very sexy condition. What's that? Why yes, we have been taking a few tips from Bible's greatest romantic, King Solomon the Demon-Queller! He's here with his sensual mixtape and we're going through it track by track as we take on the Song of Songs! Plus: a brief non-history of St. Valentine! Hey, don't... uh, don't listen to this one with your mom, okay?

Topics of discussion: A soupçon of Magic: The Gathering, the Sanctum Sanctorum, "Rich Girl," tbe mechanics of Bumble vis-a-vis gazelle fawns and grapes, chiastic structure, metaphors and abbreviations in order to keep our "Clean" tag, sheep content, lots of stuff we can't really put in the description, and only two jokes we had to cut out.

Hymnal: "Portions for Foxes" by Rilo Kiley

Offertory: If you enjoy the show, head to ko-fi.com/apocrypals and send us a love offering! We absolutely appreciate it!

Transcript

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0:00.0	Oh, that he would kiss me with the kisses of his mouth, the song of Solomon, chapter one, verse two.
0:10.4	And the talking leads to touching, and the touching leads to sex, and then there is no mystery left
0:21.2	And it's bad news
0:26.2	Baby I'm bad news
0:29.3	Hello friends and neighbors
0:30.9	And welcome to Apocry Pals
0:32.0	It's the podcast where two nonbelievers read through the Bible
0:34.5	And we try not to be jokes about it
0:35.8	My name is Chris Sims.
0:38.2	With me as always is the other set of footprints. Benito Serino. Benito, how are you today?
0:43.8	Feeling, feeling very sensual today, Chris. I don't, I don't like that. I don't like it.
0:52.7	No, I can't help it. It's the, it's, um, I'm, I'm moved with a very tangible, palpable love of Lord because of, because of
1:10.4	this very smooth book that we read for today.
1:14.3	Listen, I am feeling like a freshly shorn sheep coming up from washing.
1:22.7	Yeah.
1:23.8	I think we're all going to feel that way because we're all going to want to take a bath after we finish reading Song of Songs today.
1:34.5	That's right, everybody.
1:35.4	Today we are doing the Song of Songs, aka the Song of Solomon, aka the Canticles.
1:42.1	Canticles.
1:43.4	We did have a debate over what we were actually going to call it.
1:46.9	Yeah.
1:47.7	But Song of Songs went out in the end.
	...

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