33. Pretty Machines

The Story Must Be Told

The Last Podcast Network

Arts

4.8 • 530 Ratings

🗓️ 11 September 2018

⏱️ 24 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

Electronics are our friends, and sometimes our sticky neighbors. Some electronics aid, and some deny, some tend to relationships, and others still play card games on digital screens. What novelty! Yet also: what cruelty to such incipient intelligence. Shame! Shame all around! Invocation A Healing of Ill Consumer Electronics Liturgical Reading: “Pretty Machines” Concluding Prayer You shouldn’t throw batteries away. Hold onto ‘em. Store ‘em under the sink in a plastic bottle. Wait till it’s full. Take it to the farm. Bury it. In ten years all them batteries will be full charge, ready for diskboys and vibrate-friends.

Transcript

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0:00.0	Good evening. I'm Pastor Andrew. Today is a special day. It is once a year, every year, that we bring in our prized consumer electronics for a most holy blessing.
0:38.3	I see 30-second anti-skip CD players out there.
0:41.3	I see calculators that will receive the story's grace.
0:45.3	I see cranial surgery leak alert helmets,
0:48.3	helmets which will protect vulnerable craniums with the story's virtue.
0:53.3	We begin the blessing as we begin all of our services.
0:58.8	The story must be told.
1:01.3	The story must be told.
1:04.4	Ladies and gentlemen, congregants, children, animals in the back, I have been told there
1:10.3	is someone here with a broken calculator.
1:13.4	Don't be shy. Raise your hand. Yes, yes, I see you out there. Hold on. I'm sending Usher Steve to get you.
1:23.1	Now, a calculator is an incredible thing.
1:27.5	Numbers added to numbers, digits divisible by all but the empty traitor of zero.
1:33.9	There is a mark of the story in our numerals, the negative, the positive.
1:39.8	Yes, here we are now.
1:41.6	Oh, Jesus, I thought this calculator was broken.
1:45.5	Why, it's just covered.
1:47.8	Slick, slippery with the damp curdle of milk.
1:50.1	How filthy!
1:51.8	Who set this up?
1:53.6	Who set me up?
1:55.6	Usher Steve cast them from the congregation, a betrayal.
	...

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