325. Sex, Safety and Embodied Intimacy

You Are Not Broken

Kelly Casperson, MD

Medicine, Health & Fitness

4.8 • 1.1K Ratings

🗓️ 6 July 2025

⏱️ 48 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

This week, I sat down with the radiant Whitni Miller, also known as BDEmoves on Instagram, a queer sex educator and pleasure coach who’s changing the game when it comes to how we talk about sex, desire, and embodiment, especially in the queer community. Together, we explored what it really means to be embodied in midlife and why so many of us still struggle to feel sexually safe—not just physically, but emotionally and relationally. Whitni brings a trauma-informed lens to her work, helping people unpack shame, regulate their nervous systems, and come back home to themselves. We talked about: Why safety (not spontaneity) is the foundation of good sex How queer and same-sex couples deal with libido differences What late bloomers can teach us about authenticity and desire The power of non-sexual touch in long-term relationships How responsive desire isn't broken—it’s just misunderstood The absolute joy of reclaiming play and pleasure at any age Whitni also got real about what it takes to share accurate, pleasure-centered sex ed online in the face of constant censorship. Hint: It’s hard, it’s frustrating, and it’s absolutely necessary. She’s a fierce advocate for creating digital and real-life spaces where people—especially queer folks—can learn, explore, and thrive. If you’ve ever wondered, What can we learn from the queer community about sex, intimacy, and communication?—this episode is for you. Whitni’s work is bold, honest, and full of compassion. Follow her @bdemoves and check out her offerings for late bloomers, folks navigating WLW relationships, and anyone looking to deepen their connection with themselves and their partners. Takeaways: ✨ Sexual safety is foundational to desire—not optional. ✨ Queer relationships offer a refreshing reframe of intimacy and play. ✨ Scheduling sex is not unsexy—it’s smart, respectful, and hot. ✨ Responsive desire is normal, especially in midlife and long-term partnerships. ✨ Pleasure-first education challenges societal norms that prioritize performance. ✨ We need more trauma-informed, inclusive sex ed—and we need it now. https://www.instagram.com/bde.moves Want more honest, empowering conversations like this one?⁠⁠Preorder my Next Book⁠⁠ share this episode, and leave a review to help others find this important work. Let's stop leaving women out of the conversation—especially when it comes to sex, health, and healing. Listen to my Tedx Talk: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Why we need adult sex ed⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Take my Adult Sex Ed Master Class:⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠My Website⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Interested in my sexual health and hormone clinic? ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Waitlist is open⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Explore and expand pleasure with resources, advice, and the most exciting pleasure products with Good Vibes, and save 10% with coupon code NOTBROKEN10 at goodvibes.com/menopause Thanks to our sponsor ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Midi Women's Health⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠. Designed by midlife experts, delivered by experienced clinicians, covered by insurance.Midi is the first virtual care clinic made exclusively for women 40+. Evidence-based treatments. Personalized midlife care.⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.joinmidi.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Transcript

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0:00.0	Welcome to the You Are Not Broken Podcast. I'm your host, Dr. Kelly Casperson, a board-certified
0:09.9	jurologist, thought leader, and conversation starter on midlife living, hormones, and sexuality.
0:16.6	Enjoy the show.
0:18.2	Hey, everybody. Welcome back to the You Are Not Broken podcast. Today, we are going to
0:21.2	figure out what can we learn about sex in midlife? What does it mean to be embodied? Why does
0:25.8	sexual safety matter so much? And do same sex and gender queer couples also struggle with libido
0:31.7	differences? We are joined by Whitney Miller, who is amazing. She is such an amazing Instagram
0:36.5	presence at BDE Moves on Instagram.
0:39.4	Coming to us from the often hurricane-filled and now fire-filled lands of Asheville, North Carolina.
0:46.3	Welcome, Whitney. Thank you so much for having me here. We're both flooding and on fire.
0:52.0	Flooding and on fire. It is biblical on the East Coast right now.
0:55.6	And we have a dog in the background for the listeners who love dogs.
0:58.7	You know, life happens when you need to podcast sometimes.
1:01.2	So we'll do what we can.
1:02.8	But the four-legged babies are going to, you know, ask for attention.
1:06.2	So give us a little background in how you became the expert that you are in basically helping people full time now with sexual desire connection, adult sex education.
1:20.5	Back us up. Were you always a natural?
1:23.4	Oh, back us up. Well, I mean, Dr. Ruth is where it all started, like 15 years old, wanting to be a great lover, picked up a copy of sex or dummies. I'm like, I'm going to read this bad boy from cover to cover.
1:35.6	Did you find it at the library? Was it at your house? Oh, I found it at Barnes & Nobles and like snuck it home and wrapped it in aluminum foil and like took it to school and showed my
1:45.9	friends. So I've always kind of been the sex coach. Like did you know that the clitoris actually
1:50.6	looks like this? It's not a little nub. It's a whole wishbone. That's awesome. Dude, that's so cool.
1:56.7	So then we finished high school. We moved out to adulthood. What was the next journey?
	...

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