324. Why do we hold grudges?
The Psychology of your 20s
iHeartPodcasts
4.8 • 1.7K Ratings
🗓️ 21 August 2025
⏱️ 43 minutes
🧾️ Download transcript
Summary
Why do some things sit heavy in our chest for weeks, months, even years - while others seem to slide right off? In today’s episode, we’re unpacking the psychology of resentment, exploring why letting go can feel so hard, and what our grudges might actually be trying to tell us about ourselves. Grudges are often dismissed as petty or immature, but they’re rarely that simple. They’re emotional archives - stories we keep retelling in our minds, not just to stay angry, but to make sense of hurt, to assert boundaries, or to reclaim a sense of control. Whether it’s a betrayal from years ago or a passive-aggressive comment from last week, the feelings linger for a reason.
We explore:
• The psychological function of holding a grudge
• How rumination and memory shape emotional pain
• The role of power, justice, and unmet needs in long-term resentment
• How resentment harms us more than them
• Why forgiveness isn’t the same as forgetting
• Tools for emotional processing and (maybe) letting go
If you want to get curious about what your lingering anger is pointing to, this episode is for you.
Listen to my NEW PODCAST, Mantra: https://open.spotify.com/show/4Ckds0BoJDDpODInN9cWcc?si=b6ad5d555c1940e0
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The Psychology of your 20s is not a substitute for professional mental health help. If you are struggling, distressed or require personalised advice, please reach out to your doctor or a licensed psychologist.
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Transcript
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| 0:00.0 | This is an I-Heart podcast. |
| 0:06.6 | There's a vile sickness in Abbas town. |
| 0:10.4 | You must excise it. |
| 0:12.8 | Dig into the deep earth and cut it out. |
| 0:16.7 | From IHeart podcasts and Grimm and Mild from Aaron Manky, |
| 0:20.0 | this is Havoc Town. A new fiction podcast set in the Bridgewater Audio Universe, starring Jules State and Ray Wise. |
| 0:29.1 | Listen to Havoc Town on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. |
| 0:38.5 | Hello everybody and welcome back to the psychology of your 20s, the podcast where we talk |
| 0:45.7 | through some of the big life changes and transitions of our 20s and what they mean for |
| 0:52.0 | our psychology. |
| 0:57.2 | Hello everybody. Welcome back to the show. Welcome back to the podcast, new listeners, |
| 1:03.2 | old listeners. Wherever you are in the world, it is so great to have you here back for another |
| 1:07.9 | episode as we of course break down the psychology of our 20s. Before we begin, |
| 1:14.0 | I just want to let you know that this episode is actually a collab episode with my other podcast |
| 1:19.2 | mantra. So if you would like a more succinct, spiritually minded version of this episode to get you |
| 1:26.4 | started before. |
| 1:30.0 | We dive into the psychology and the research. |
| 1:31.1 | Do check it out. |
| 1:33.0 | I'll leave a link in the description. |
| 1:39.6 | But as for our subject matter today, we are diving into a topic that I think everyone has experienced in some way or another, even if you don't always want to admit it, something that can kind of simmer in the background for days, for months, sometimes years. |
| 1:51.1 | We are talking about grudges. |
| 1:54.1 | I'll be honest. |
... |
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