#320: How to Put Yourself First Pt. 2 - Building Roots
Black Girls Heal
Shena Lashey
4.8 • 1.7K Ratings
🗓️ 14 January 2026
⏱️ 23 minutes
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Summary
In this episode, I continue into the next set of the foundational steps of learning how to truly put yourself first without guilt, fear, or feeling like you’re letting others down.
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The Loved Woman Checklist: https://blackgirlsheal.org/checklist
The BGH Method: https://blackgirlsheal.org/method
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Transcript
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| 0:00.0 | Hello, hello. Today we are talking about how to put yourself first part two. So this is our second |
| 0:07.0 | episode in this series, looking at how to make sure that we are treating ourselves as a treasure, |
| 0:11.7 | that we are treating ourselves as number one. So to do this, I'm using our love woman's checklist. |
| 0:17.4 | So it is the list of tasks that I have completed for every woman, no matter her stage |
| 0:22.5 | of life, no matter where she is, she used to have balance in her life across the different |
| 0:26.4 | domains of her life, whether or not it's physical health, emotional health, mental health, |
| 0:30.3 | spiritual health. And these are all the domains that we know to look at, right, when it comes |
| 0:34.1 | to looking at ourselves holistically, those domains on every self-help chart, |
| 0:38.4 | everywhere you go. However, these are the things that I've found that consistently, when these |
| 0:42.3 | are the specific targets in each of the domains, it is what has helped women find the special |
| 0:47.2 | needs that they may be looking outside of themselves for. So one of the things that I talk about |
| 0:51.7 | with my specialty being relationships and helping women who are consistently in unavailable relationships, consistently putting themselves last, consistently working through either being the mixture of being very codependent or being highly avoidant, all of those different relational patterns usually come because there have been some type of unmet needs. |
| 1:09.1 | So whether or not that has come from childhood emotional neglect, whether or not it's |
| 1:12.1 | come from poor relational models that have been presented to her throughout her life, |
| 1:15.9 | she either did not have access to, was not taught, was taken away from basic needs and |
| 1:21.3 | basic requirements that are needed to live a whole and fulfilled life. |
| 1:24.9 | So what happens is those needs not go away. And as adult women, |
| 1:28.8 | they find that the need for these things become even louder. It becomes harder to distract themselves |
| 1:33.3 | from the things that should have been there all along. And so a lot of times, the options for |
| 1:37.5 | that is either to continue to neglect those needs, try to overcompensate for them, or to find |
| 1:42.6 | or say relationships that seem like they're |
| 1:44.2 | giving pieces of those needs to them. When these are things that they needed to either know how to |
... |
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