320: How to Become Happier with Gretchen Rubin
The Adult Chair Podcast with Michelle Chalfant
Michelle Chalfant
4.9 • 1.6K Ratings
🗓️ 23 June 2022
⏱️ 61 minutes
🧾️ Download transcript
Summary
Whether it's eating healthier, getting exercise, starting a meditation practice or staying socially connected, figuring out what to do to be happy might be simple – but actually doing these things and living in a way that lets us experience happiness is much harder.
When we know there are things we can do that will make us healthier and happier, why do we struggle to actually do them? Why do we get caught in a cycle of chasing happiness instead of choosing joy, even when we know better?
This is what Gretchen Rubin wanted to understand when she began studying happiness and why people form the habits they do.
It turns out that it has everything to do with how we relate to expectations.
Gretchen discovered that there are four different "tendencies" that tell us how different people approach habits and expectations – whether we question expectations, comply with expectations, rebel against expectations or uphold them from within.
We are born with our tendency and there's no right or wrong way to be, but our ability to pursue happiness and form habits is directly connected to which tendency we're wired with.
In this episode, Gretchen describes each of the four tendencies in detail and ways to work with your type to go after the life you want. She also talks about habit formation and the different approaches to starting a new habit, so you can figure out which one works best for you!
This is so fascinating and has major implications for how we structure our lives, how we work with each other in business and relationships and so much more!
Listen to discover:
- Concrete steps we can take to start boosting our happiness
- The "four tendencies" personality framework
- The Upholder, The Obliger, The Questioner and The Rebel – four different ways we all respond to inner and outer expectations
- How your tendency impacts how you form habits
- How to overcome resistance and work with your tendency to be as successful and happy as possible
- Misconceptions about happiness and techniques to form better habits
Though it's true that everyone is different in terms of what makes us happy, we're also all different in how we get to the things that make us happy.
When we understand our wiring, we can overcome resistance and set ourselves up to achieve the life we want, in a way that is uniquely ours.
"Our physical experience is always going to color our emotional experience." - Gretchen Rubin
"The key to happiness is relationships." - Gretchen Rubin
"Don't suit other people. Suit yourself." - Gretchen Rubin
"I'm a big believer in the genetic roots of personality." - Gretchen Rubin
"We can work with each other to help us all achieve our aims, but sometimes we have to provide a different way from what would work for us." - Gretchen Rubin
"Your communication style would change once you know this." - Michelle Chalfant
"Happier people are more interested in the problems of the world." - Gretchen Rubin
"You have to take care of yourself. You have to put yourself first." - Michelle Chalfant
"When you're not indulging in a temptation, it goes away." - Gretchen Rubin
LINKS & RESOURCES
Gretchen Rubin Website
Happier Podcast (Gretchen Rubin podcast)
https://gretchenrubin.com/podcasts/
Gretchen Rubin Books
https://gretchenrubin.com/books/
The Four Tendencies Quiz
https://gretchenrubin.com/fourtendencies
The Happier App
https://the-happiness-project.com/pages/happier-app
Gretchen Rubin Facebook
https://www.facebook.com/GretchenRubin
Gretchen Rubin Instagram
https://www.instagram.com/gretchenrubin/
Gretchen Rubin LinkedIn
https://www.linkedin.com/in/gretchenrubin
Adult Chair® Coaches
https://theadultchair.com/coaches/
MORE ADULT CHAIR
The Adult Chair® Website
The Adult Chair® Membership
https://theadultchair.com/membership/
The Adult Chair® Events
https://theadultchair.com/events/
The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification
https://theadultchair.com/certification
STAY CONNECTED
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/themichellechalfant
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TheMichelleChalfant/
The Adult Chair® Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/
Transcript
Click on a timestamp to play from that location
| 0:00.0 | Do you believe that if you are with the right person that your relationship should be easy |
| 0:07.5 | and you should not ever fight? |
| 0:10.9 | How about this one? |
| 0:11.9 | Have you ever heard that getting married or having a baby will mend a broken relationship? |
| 0:18.2 | Here's what's true. |
| 0:19.7 | These are relationship myths. |
| 0:22.5 | They're just not true. |
| 0:24.3 | And after years of working with clients that felt dissatisfied, frustrated, and even hopeless |
| 0:28.9 | in their relationship, I realized that their unhappiness was due to relationship myths that |
| 0:34.8 | they were believing in and measuring their relationship against. |
| 0:39.8 | This is why I created the top five relationship myths keeping you disconnected from your partner. |
| 0:46.4 | In this free guide, you will get not only the most common relationship myths, but also tips |
| 0:52.5 | on how to change your relationship today. |
| 0:56.1 | You can download the free guide at theadultchair.com-fordslash-miths. |
| 1:02.8 | That's theadultchair.com-fordslash-miths. |
| 1:06.0 | That's M-Y-T-H-S. |
| 1:13.2 | Hi, I'm Michelle Shelfand, psychotherapist, holistic life coach, and human, just like you, |
| 1:19.3 | learning to navigate life challenges. |
| 1:21.6 | For over 25 years experience, I teach people how to get healthy using theadultchair model. |
| 1:27.4 | Theadultchair model is where simple psychology meets grounded spirituality, and it teaches |
| 1:32.7 | us how to become healthy adults. |
| 1:36.0 | From anxiety and depression to codependency and relationship issues, you can use theadult |
... |
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