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The Mark Groves Podcast

#318: When The Need to Achieve Becomes Toxic with Jennifer B. Wallace

The Mark Groves Podcast

Mark Groves

Relationships, Society & Culture

4.95K Ratings

🗓️ 19 October 2023

⏱️ 52 minutes

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

Themes: Parenting, Achievement, Toxic Achievement Culture, Children, Parenting, Confidence, Mental Health, Teens Summary:  I’m jamming today with Jennifer B. Wallace, an acclaimed journalist and bestselling author of "Never Enough: When Achievement Pressure Becomes Toxic." Jennifer, a mother of three, was struck by the toxic pressure surrounding high-achievement schools. Concerned about the impact on her own children, she embarked on a journey to understand and mitigate this achievement culture's harmful effects, resulting in her book, "Never Enough: When Achievement Cultures Become Toxic and What We Can Do About It."  In this episode, we talk about toxic achievement culture and what parents can do to make their children feel seen, heard, and loved without that being contingent on their achievements.  Discover: How parenting has evolved over the past few decades What we can do to help our children become mentally strong  How a sense of “mattering” can protect against burnout for parents and children  How increased pressure and the need to succeed create a toxic environment for our children 00:00 Intro  00:27 The high expectations of modern parenting 04:51 Value of a college education in today's job market 06:32 Teaching kids that they matter 10:03 Empowering kids with intrinsic motivation 16:07 How toxic achievement culture is impacting children today 22:51 From people-pleasing to self-valuing 31:14 Parenting with value 35:46 Repairing and shifting in parenting 40:55 Teach your kids to ‘never worry alone’ 45:18 Be interested in your child’s online world 50:22 Encouraging kids to celebrate other’s achievements Links: Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/jenniferbrehenywallace/ Book: https://www.jenniferbwallace.com/pre-order Website: https://www.jenniferbwallace.com/ Sponsors: Cured Nutrition: Use code CREATETHELOVE for 20% off all products at curednutrition.com/createthelove Create the Love Cards: Use code CTLCARDS15 for 15% off at createthelove.com/cards Contact us at podcast@markgroves.com for sponsor product support, questions, comments, or just to say hello!Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

Transcript

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0:00.0

Well, I think achievement has always been important that bar is becoming out of reach for many children.

0:06.0

Our kids are getting these messages in the environment and sometimes within their homes by their parents

0:11.3

that I only matter when I achieve.

0:13.7

And that is what's at the root of so much of the suffering that I saw.

0:20.7

Hi, my name is Mark Groves, and I'm obsessed with understanding human behavior and why we do what we do.

0:26.8

In this podcast, I interview the world's most brilliant minds and hearts where I get to explore

0:31.4

alongside you, every subject you can imagine relating to our human experience and how we relate.

0:36.7

It is my deepest intention that we all learn how to create the life and love that we've always

0:41.2

dreamt of.

0:42.1

Now, before we get rolling, make sure you hit that subscribe button so you don't miss any episodes

0:46.2

and one ask that I have.

0:47.8

And an amazing way that you can help support the podcast is by wherever you listen to it,

0:51.8

giving it a five-star review and a written review.

0:54.3

With all that said, let's dive in and transform our lives.

0:59.4

Hello and welcome to another episode of the Mark Groves podcast today.

1:03.4

I am joined by Jennifer Wallace. Welcome.

1:05.8

Thanks for having me.

1:07.0

As a new father, my son is five months old today.

1:09.6

I've been incredibly interested in looking at

1:12.6

child development, in looking at how culture shapes our children, but of course how parents

1:17.4

shape our children. And I mean, you couldn't be more of a perfect guest because you wrote a book

1:21.9

called Never Enough when achievement culture becomes toxic and what we can do about it. I mean, this isn't a new phenomenon,

...

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