311-Your Mom's House with Christina Pazsitzky and Tom Segura

Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura

Tom Segura

Comedy, Relationships, Society & Culture, Tv & Film, Comedy Interviews

4.7 • 23.4K Ratings

🗓️ 30 September 2015

⏱️ 104 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

If you feel something in your shorts and it feels like you should go to the bathroom, you probably should. Thankfully, we have audio of someone who didn't. What about a Dad Jokes Only tour? Would you get tickets? Huh? C'mon, buddy! Multiple choice!! OKAY!!! Should a wipe ALWAYS be clean? We debate as ONE OF US believes that a little something on there is fine. I mean, why use paper AT ALL?!? Dental update: If you're old, be old. Teeth included. Veneers make you look INSANE. Plus a Peter Caine update - he isn't happy with any of us. Is it because we don't own a Raven?

Transcript

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0:00.0	I have a song for you. I'd like to do that. I'd like to go to the bar.
0:05.0	Plug in my A5, listen to him talk trash on that.
0:09.0	He's talking about it, my mom's hot.
0:10.0	Five cast, stop that laughing, ain't gonna happen to fix for a piss or a day.
0:14.0	This gay discourse of mixed swords. Get the pitch, fortune listen, I can bail.
0:18.0	Hey, you're in jail, man, you're in your port of Wicked Cellmate.
0:21.0	Or when you tell gay listen before the game starts, play cards, listen,
0:25.0	why your shop is in the Kmart. Honest I'm eating, it's not a big secret.
0:29.0	I'm off and seated in the kitchen, listening to time and pristine.
0:32.0	At the end of a rough day, get a mug and drink, get my nut shake.
0:35.0	If I'm lucky, get it, then I love day.
0:37.0	Just great, like the devil loves flames, like the devil loves heavy metal women who love snakes.
0:43.0	This is just a thing to help you nervously calm down.
0:46.0	Hey, Levin, how big? Welcome to your mom's house.
0:48.0	Come on, honey, breathe. Rest tonight, look when weINGS.
0:57.0	It's not that I love three people.
0:59.0	I'm a black capacitive person, I can't even think only about three of the gay,
1:04.0	but after you get home, stop bumping me down into the sky before you and I didn't know,
1:08.0	you'll end up on multipurpose s—
1:11.0	I still think about three of the gay thanks.
1:13.0	Right, I couldn't beat anyone for me.
1:16.0	Sometimes go with special parents by top dog.
	...

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