301 SelfWork: What Is Emotional Incest?
The SelfWork Podcast
Margaret Robinson Rutherford PhD
4.8 • 1.3K Ratings
🗓️ 16 September 2022
⏱️ 30 minutes
🧾️ Download transcript
Summary
What’s emotional incest? (Please be aware that you could be triggered by this episode if abuse is in your past and I’ll share links to help lines.) It’s not the same as sexual incest – but can certainly cause its own type of damage. It falls within the dynamic of enmeshment but has its own definition and characteristics. Emotional incest is defined as a parent turning to a child to meet their emotional needs instead of having that relationship with an adult. We’ll talk about how it happens and how it’s so often missed since it can appear as if all is normal, when it's not at all. And as always, we'll focus on what you can do about it.
The listener voicemail is from someone who used what she called discipline to parent but her kids have some resentment toward her. We’ll talk about what she could do.
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International Sexual Abuse Hotlines
Sean Grover's article in Psychology Today on Emotional Incest
Check out SelfWork Episode 62 on being overly close to your parent and Episode 224 on steps out of enmeshment
Dr. Pat Love's book The Emotional Incest Syndrome
Don Miguel Ruiz' book The Four Agreements
You can hear more about this and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my website and receive my weekly newsletter including a blog post and podcast! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click here and answer the membership questions! Welcome!
My book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression is available and you can order here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life. And it’s available in paperback, eBook or as an audiobook!
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| 0:00.0 | This is Selfwork, and I'm Dr. Margaret Rutherford. |
| 0:14.1 | At Selfwork, we'll discuss psychological and emotional issues common in today's world |
| 0:19.0 | and what to do about them. |
| 0:20.4 | I'm Dr. Margaret, and Selfwork is a podcast dedicated to you taking just a few minutes today |
| 0:26.2 | for your own Selfwork. |
| 0:29.8 | Hello, and welcome back to Selfwork, our 300 and first episode. |
| 0:34.5 | I'm Dr. Margaret Rutherford, I'm a clinical psychologist at a fave Arkansas, and I began |
| 0:39.6 | this podcast six years ago, almost, to extend the walls of my practice to many groups. |
| 0:45.2 | Those of you who might already be interested in psychological and emotional issues, maybe |
| 0:49.2 | you're in therapy yourself, to those of you who've just been diagnosed, or you have |
| 0:53.8 | some kind of problem that you think maybe a therapist could help you with, or to a third |
| 0:57.8 | group of you, to those of you who might be very skeptical about the whole idea of mental |
| 1:03.1 | health treatment, or think psychologists and therapists are kind of weird people, which |
| 1:07.7 | I guess maybe we are a little bit, but you're looking for answers, and you're sadly unhappy |
| 1:12.9 | enough to need them. |
| 1:15.7 | Welcome to all of you, and any of you who might not fit those particular labels, but you're |
| 1:21.0 | here. |
| 1:22.0 | I so appreciate you being here. |
| 1:23.8 | Today, we're going to talk about what's termed emotional incest. |
| 1:27.4 | Please be aware that you could be triggered by this episode if abuse is in your past, |
| 1:32.2 | and I'll share links to help lines. |
| 1:34.3 | Now, emotional incest isn't the same as sexual incest, but can certainly cause its own |
... |
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