30: Apples and Oranges (The Legend of the Three Kings)

Apocrypals

Chris Sims

Comedy, History

4.9 • 650 Ratings

🗓️ 7 January 2019

⏱️ 100 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

We're back for 2019, and on the off chance that we didn't have enough of them already, get ready for a couple new Johns. Specifically, we're celebrating Epiphany with Of Hildesheim's 14th-century book on the Legend of the Three Kings, which also introduces us to Prester. How weird is this one? Well, Chris highlighted an entire page from top to bottom, so believe us, it's a rollercoaster. Plus: Li'l Fat Jesus!!!!

Topics of discussion: Benito getting yelled at about the historicity of Jesus, church cusses, Women's Christmas, the Christmas Dragon and his poem about your faults, Balaam, Dismal Downs, B^F, 316 Covered Street, Skull Mountain Kisses, a great Apple, The Coins, Raw Balm aka Lazarus Pit Juice, St. Helen's traveling reliquary.

Hymnal: "Princes of the Universe" by Queen

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Transcript

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0:00.0	Christians in the East who live too far from the River Jordan go to their nearest river to perform these ceremonies.
0:06.2	On the journey, they enjoy a kind of apple called an orange, which ripens at this time of year.
0:13.2	The Legend of the Three Kings, the Modern English version by Simon Webb.
0:17.0	Here we are born to be kings where the princes of the universe.
0:29.6	Here we belong.
0:30.6	Fighting to survive in the war with the darkest power.
0:46.2	Hello, friends and neighbors, and welcome to Apocrypal's.
0:49.4	Welcome to 2019. Welcome to season two, maybe. I don't know. It feels like we took a big break and we should
0:57.0	demarcate it that way. But this is the show where two nonbelievers read through the Bible.
1:01.8	We try not to be jerks about it. My name is Chris Sims. Joining me for the very first time in this
1:07.3	newest of years is Benito Serino. Benito, how are you today?
1:12.4	Very good.
1:13.1	Happy Gentile New Year to you.
1:15.0	It's been 5779 for a while.
1:18.1	Yeah, happy 26th of Tibet to everyone else.
1:23.0	Yeah, happy New Year.
1:24.1	Happy 2019.
1:24.9	Now we took a little winter hiatus.
1:29.8	I thought to myself,
1:36.5	this will be nice. I'll have a couple of weeks wherein no one will yell at me at Bible and I can relax. That did not turn out to be true. You fool? I know. I definitely got yelled at by a guy who was very mad at me and compared me to an anti-vaxxer, not my favorite moment as I was eating tacos on my way to go see Christmas lights, but it happened.
1:54.9	That's two good things compared to one bad thing, though. So you're coming out ahead.
1:58.0	It's true. I mean, it did sour my mood for a minute as I was trying to enjoy
	...

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