29: These Apocryphal Ravings (The Infancy Gospel of James)

Apocrypals

Chris Sims

Comedy, History

4.9 • 650 Ratings

🗓️ 16 December 2018

⏱️ 78 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

Mary Christmas, Theophiloi! Normally at this time of year, you get a nice little reading from Luke about being sore afraid and wishing peace on Earth and goodwill to men. Unfortunately, we already covered that one, so we're bringing you the birth of Christ as you've never heard it before with the Infancy Gospel of James. We learn all about Mary's origin, in which she was Rapunzeled for thirteen years and then handed off to a very confused local carpenter. Plus: all the other holy days we'll be missing before we come back on Epiphany!

Topics of discussion: Southern Snow Day, Boleslav the Cruel, Colly Birds, a bit of difficulty counting to seven which is of course the highest number, CMB, Mary vs. Betty vs. Veronica, the Ultimate Blessing, Joseph's four-year house-building tour, an extremely dark joke from Chris, the Lord's drink, Time Stop (lv.9 wiz/sor), the Fortress of Baptitude, a few new ideas to incorporate in your Christmas traditions, 2 minutes of Benito doing animal noises (seriously).

Hymnal: "Reindeer Games" by Froggy Fresh

Offertory: If you enjoy the show, head to ko-fi.com/apocrypals and send us a love offering! We absolutely appreciate it!

Transcript

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0:00.0	I said to her,
0:01.1	She is Mary, who was raised in the temple of the Lord.
0:03.5	I obtained her by lot as my wife.
0:05.2	But she's not really my wife.
0:06.5	She's pregnant by the Holy Spirit.
0:08.7	The midwife said,
0:10.5	Really?
0:11.3	The Infancy Gospel of James, chapter 19, verses 8 through 10.
0:15.7	Now, I ain't want to make a fuss, but Christmas ain't the same.
0:20.5	When that old boy, James, James, James, playing rain and James.
0:26.2	He was the night before Christmas, me and my couldn't sleep.
0:29.0	We stayed a best of my friends and neighbors.
0:31.4	It's the podcast where two nonbelievers read through the Bible, and we try not to be
0:34.5	jerks about it.
0:35.5	Merry Christmas, everyone.
0:55.5	We are your ho-ho hosts. My name is Chris Sims. With me as always. The other set of footprints, Benito Serino. Benito, how are you today? Are you merry? Are you jolly? Are you bright? I'm super, I'm, I'm merry. I'm, I'm glowing red like a pumpkin's head. Shining so your nose won't freeze.
0:57.1	Yeah, let me tell you something.
1:00.8	It is a marshmallow world right now where I am recording.
1:01.8	Yeah.
1:03.5	Did you take a walk with your favorite girl?
1:06.6	No, but I have stayed in the house with my favorite girl. Because the snow is covering just a real deep layer of icy water right now.
1:14.2	Yikes.
	...

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