3 Things Christians Do That Shut Down Healing After Betrayal, #593
Java with Juli - Making Sense of God and Sex
Authentic Intimacy®
4.9 • 1.7K Ratings
🗓️ 19 January 2026
⏱️ 51 minutes
🧾️ Download transcript
Summary
If you're trying to heal after betrayal, you may be doing everything you were taught to do—and still feel stuck.
Sometimes we unintentionally sabotage our own healing—all in the name of love and forgiveness. Instead of feeling better, you end up feeling silenced, unsafe, and confused about why healing hasn't happened.
Author and counselor Tammy Gustafson joins Juli to share four necessary phases of healing, and three common mistakes that actually shut it down. With clinical insight and biblical wisdom, this conversation will help you move forward with strength and hope.
Guest: Tammy Gustafson, LPC
Follow-up Resources:
Preorder Broken to Brave: Your Courageous Act of Healing After Intimate Betrayal (comes out Jan. 27)
Register for The Betrayal Healing Conference, January 26-30. (It's online and free.)
Take the Betrayal Healing Quiz to find what phase of the journey you're in.
Q&A: Does My Spouse Watch Porn Because of Me?
Q&A: How Do I Know if My Spouse Is Repentant After a Betrayal?
Thriving Despite a Difficult Marriage by Drs. Chuck and Mike Misja (for the betrayed spouse who stays in a marriage even though their spouse is not doing the work needed to heal)
Follow Tammy at @tammylgustafson
Follow Authentic Intimacy at @authenticintimacy
Transcript
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| 0:00.0 | Because in order to heal from betrayal, you have to step into your strength. |
| 0:06.8 | You have to find your voice. |
| 0:09.1 | You have to set boundaries. |
| 0:11.1 | If you shift your focus and you're focusing on him and trying to take care of him or trying to help him, it actually shuts down the healing process. |
| 0:20.1 | Well, hey, friend, thanks so much for joining me for Job with Julie. |
| 0:23.5 | I am Julie Slattery, and this podcast is an outreach of authentic and intimacy, a ministry |
| 0:28.7 | helping you make sense of God and sexuality. |
| 0:31.9 | The voice you just heard is my guest today, Tammy Gustafson. |
| 0:36.5 | She's a licensed counselor who works primarily with spouses who have been betrayed in marriage. |
| 0:42.4 | And if you personally have experienced betrayal, I want you to hear this first and foremost. |
| 0:48.0 | You are not alone. |
| 0:49.9 | And if you're thinking, why is healing so hard or why am I still stuck or hurting, then this |
| 0:55.8 | conversation is really going to be helpful for you. |
| 0:58.8 | Now, maybe it's not you, but you have a friend or a loved one who's walking through |
| 1:02.9 | betrayal right now. |
| 1:04.3 | This would be a great episode for you to listen to and also to afford to them. |
| 1:08.8 | When we talk about betrayal here, we're not just talking about physical affairs. |
| 1:13.8 | We're also addressing things like pornography, emotional entanglements, secrecy, and broken agreements. |
| 1:21.2 | And sometimes for Christians, the reality of those things are often minimized or even spiritualized in ways that can make |
| 1:29.8 | healing and recovery even more difficult. And some of what you hear today might even sound |
| 1:35.4 | counterintuitive, specifically issues of setting boundaries, focusing on your own needs, |
| 1:41.7 | and not rushing forgiveness. Now, if you clicked on this episode because of the |
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