Hi, I'm John Kim, a licensed therapist who used to be a miserable fuck before going on a hero's journey and turning expired relationships into revelations.

I use my story to help others. I come with you instead of at you, unrehearsed on purpose, because self-help doesn't have to be polished or complicated.

It just has to be honest.

This is the universe reminding you of three non-negotiables. These are non-negotiables you might have broke after making a promise to

yourself years ago when you realized that you needed to hold on to these things in order to build a safer life container

that's going to promote your growth instead of stunt it.

And also, you know, you didn't try to break these non-negotiables.

They broke because you fell in love or they were stretched over time

and then maybe recently one or all have snapped like old rubber bands.

But I am here to remind you of these non-negotiables and for you to hold them tightly.

Number one, emotional congruence over compliance.

The non-negotiable, the promise to self you made years ago, was that you would not

betray your truth to be accepted. I made this promise at about 36 post-divorce. I promised to myself

that I would not exchange my truth for membership, which means the same thing.

When we override our internal experience to keep the peace, smiling when we want to cry,

saying yes, when everything in us screams no, we fracture the self.

Chronic self-abandonment leads to anxiety, resentment, and relational distance.

Alignment isn't selfish, it's nervous system regulation.

You know, because most of us grew up in chaotic homes, most of us have trauma,

there's a lot of splits that happen right there's a lot of disconnection

with self and we get wobbly and then as we grow up we start chasing shiny things and we start

chasing love and we seek validation because we are self-conscious and because of all these splits.

...