3 Mistakes That Escalate Conversations into Conflicts (and What to Do Instead): Episode 287
EmPowered Couples with The Freemans
Aaron & Jocelyn Freeman
5.0 • 589 Ratings
🗓️ 25 April 2023
⏱️ 15 minutes
🧾️ Download transcript
Summary
You can feel so taken off guard and frustrated when a seemingly simple conversation with your partner escalates into a conflict. When this happens both of you tend to say or do things that do more damage to the other. This is even more irritating because it could have been easily avoided in your mind.
This is exactly the point of this episode, the mistakes that escalate conversations into conflicts. In this episode you will hear 3 mistakes so that you can better recognize them and take a more constructive action so that you can de-escalate the emotion, accept it, and still stay on the same team with each other.
Resources For Your Relationship:
NEW DE-ESCALATE CONFLICTS GUIDE: A realistic guide to managing your emotions and keeping simple conversations from escalating into overblown fights. It's the De-escalating Conflicts & Regulating Emotions Guide and it's only $19.
If you haven't yet got the repair guide to go with it, it's the step-by-step guide to repairing after an argument; to ensure it's resolved for good and get back to being truly connected as a couple. It's the Making Up & Moving Forward Guide and it's also only $19!
Transcript
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| 0:00.0 | Hello and welcome to the Empower Couples podcast, where here you get modern, non-boring, relationship |
| 0:05.8 | advice for you and your partner to communicate like pros, fight smarter, and stay in the same team |
| 0:12.0 | no matter the challenge that you face. I am one of your hosts, Aaron Freeman. And I'm Jocelyn Freeman, |
| 0:16.2 | but you all just know us as the Freeman's. And this episode is about three mistakes that escalate conversations |
| 0:23.1 | into conflicts and then of course what you can do instead. So the point there is that you can |
| 0:29.8 | have constructive calm conversations even if you disagree, even if it triggers something, it doesn't have to become a conflict. |
| 0:40.2 | And I know that might seem far-fetched because some of you are like, no, if we hit a certain topic or if I hit a certain trigger point, it definitely escalates. |
| 0:48.0 | And I think what we want to be clear on, it's not like calm, exactly, because you're going to have emotions. |
| 0:53.6 | You're not zen, like, mm-hmm. You're going to have emotion. You're not zen like, |
| 0:54.3 | you're going to have things come up. |
| 0:56.4 | Like you can get triggered as in the emotion and then not act on it to escalate it. |
| 1:03.1 | So what we're saying is you can actually be with the emotion that you're having |
| 1:07.0 | or be with the emotion your partner is having and feel it and then still keep it |
| 1:14.5 | constructive at least not doing more damage to your partner and this is really a key thing because |
| 1:21.4 | as you've been listening repair itself is critical to the health of a relationship. And this is the other aspect of it. |
| 1:30.2 | You're going to repair when things do escalate or you do some damage. But these are going to be |
| 1:35.5 | the steps to keep that what could be a simple conversation into becoming something that you then |
| 1:41.6 | have to repair. Right. So we say the two goals are learn how to |
| 1:44.7 | de-escalate and then second learn how to repair. Those are the two goals to focus on. Notice how the |
| 1:50.6 | goal isn't to have zero conflict. So that's different, right? So before we get into these three |
| 1:56.2 | mistakes, which I think are going to really hit home. We are announcing here today on the podcast. |
| 2:02.1 | We had just put it up yesterday on Instagram as well, |
... |
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