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Now time for the story.

The costume I was forced to wear as mascot for Derby's Fun Land was not built for warm

weather or user comfort.

I was sweating profusely as I stood outside in the mid-day sun.

A silent prisoner in my oversized get-up as I put on a fake happy voice, dancing and

capering with visitors all the while, dying inside.

This wasn't what I'd pictured when I decided to become a character actor.

The costume had the oversized head of a cartoon dog, whose gaping mouth I peered out from

within.

The character wore a blue sailor outfit, a blatant rip-off of a popular duck character

created by another brand, a fact which I was heckled for constantly.

Hey Derby, duck!

A little kid yelled, tossing his hot dog at me and standing my costume yellow with

mustard across the front.

It was the third time that morning I'd been assaulted by a child, which was my cue to

...