The following contains strong language, violence and nudity.

It is intended only for mature audiences.

Viewer discretion advised.

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The best one ever heard is a maid of mine called Jake, who had the permission, who had the ring, had booked a holiday in the Maldives.

It was going to be immaculate.

Went through Heathrow security, went through the little shutter thing, all fine. His bag goes through, an iPod charger in the bag, some weird looking box with cables coming out of it. The security woman says, sorry, sir, do you mind taking that out? He said, no problem at all. Opens a bag up, shows it to your one, right? She goes, that's absolutely fine, sir, you can go ahead. And he's about to go when the security woman spots another small, mysterious black box in the bag. And stops

someone and goes, sorry, sir, do you mind opening that up as well? And Jake panics, because

he's got the girlfriend beside him in the security thing and he just goes, eh, do you mind if I

don't

which is like

the wrong thing to say

he's for security

and you go

yes sir I do mind

could you please open that box up

and say ah don't me here please

I do not I soon not open the box

right and the girl's going

Jesus Jake open the box what's the And the girlfriend's going, Jesus, Jake, open the box, what's the problem? He's going, relax, don't make me open the box, don't make me open the box, right? Which is not a good thing, because you're one, the security room is now stamping on a panic button that you has under the date to death. Sections of Heathrow are being shut off all around. Other security guards are arriving in and uncheaseling weapons are going,

sorry sir, could you please assist the woman, could you open the box? He's going, ah, lots, relax for a second, only here, go, please don't want to be over there, there, there, please, open the box, okay, and she goes, sir, please open the box, and the girl's, relax, ah, listen, don't make me open the box, open the bus and eventually you were going, everyone down, everyone down, sir, over the box, over the box!

And Jake, in the box, open the box.

...