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Ari Shaffir's Skeptic Tank

#266: Abstinicks (@NickYoussef)

Ari Shaffir's Skeptic Tank

Ari Shaffir

Diaz, Shrooms, Comic, Ari, Duncan, Shafir, Segura, Squad, Chappell, Store, Tomsegura, Rogan, Shaffir, Mushroom, Arishaffir, Sceptic, Skankfest, Freak, Skeptictank, Trussell, Los, Bryant, Cellar, Shroomfest, Joe, Tom, Burr, Bertkreischer, Tank, Comedy, Septic, Freakparty, Arithegreat, Joey, Kreischer, Billburr, Punchdrunk, Skeptic, Legionofskanks, Comedian, Thisisnothappening, Joerogan, Party, Allthingscomedy, Death, Podcast, Deathsquad, Comedy Interviews, Earwolf, Topic, Standup, Kobe

4.66.7K Ratings

🗓️ 30 May 2016

⏱️ 126 minutes

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

Nick Youssef met me at my Echo Park AirBnB cabin to talk about going celibate. Nick swore off sex about 5 months ago and now he's talking about keeping it in his pants. We get into a little fight with a gopher during the talk, but don't worry about that. And pick up Nick's new standup album, 1982, on iTunes now.

Transcript

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0:00.0

Remember one time I turned down I was like I turned it down

0:03.1

I'm like I'd rather go finish this book or I'd rather finish this Netflix series or eat dinner with a warrior or whatever

0:09.1

I just hang out have like a fun conversation

0:11.4

So there's one night I was like yeah, I should go home and it was like a moment of weakness and I was like

0:16.6

I want to get laid though. Mm-hmm. It's like a year ago and I did and I thought it out

0:22.3

I'm like how how is this gonna go if I do it?

0:24.0

I'll go like this. I'll go like that. I'll go like this. I'll go like that and then I did it and it went exactly that same way

0:29.7

Wow and the feeling of like how am I gonna wake up feeling? I'm gonna wake up feeling like

0:32.9

I'm really worth it. I'm gonna like to work the four hours I put in hanging out and doing that and

0:38.0

It happened exactly like I thought we hung out the conversation was like this is okay

0:43.3

But I can easily not be having this conversation. Yeah had sex the sex was okay

0:48.4

And then I stayed up later than I wanted to and then I got up the next day and like didn't really go like

0:54.7

Oh God, I did that. I was just like that could it easily

0:57.1

I could have imagined that and it would have felt and like jerked off thinking about it

1:00.9

Yeah, and it would have felt just as good wanting more

1:02.8

Yeah, and in that moment when I had that realization the next day I was like I'm not going to do this anymore

1:08.5

I'm not gonna put myself in a position where I feel like I'm wasting my time

1:27.1

I'm tired

1:31.1

So tired

1:34.7

I'm tired of having sex so tired

1:41.9

I'm spread

1:45.5

So thin

...

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