#263: Checking the Facts When You're in Conflict

Black Girls Heal

Shena Lashey

Self-improvement, Education, Mental Health, Health & Fitness

4.8 • 1.7K Ratings

🗓️ 1 October 2024

⏱️ 53 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

In this episode of Black Girls Heal, we explore the importance of checking the facts when feeling threatened, especially for those healing from trauma.

We discuss how trauma can heighten our threat response, making it difficult to discern real threats from perceived ones. The episode delves into the skill of 'checking the facts,' a concept derived from dialectical behavior therapy (DBT), outlining practical steps to take for regulating emotions and improving conflict resolution.

My personal stories and examples highlight the nuances of threat perception, emotional regulation, and the impact of trauma on relationships.

We also tackle the challenge of making amends if you realize you've misunderstood a situation or person.

Tune in for essential tips on fostering better personal relationships and self-awareness.

In this episode, we cover…

01:06 Understanding trauma and threat response
02:55 The skill of “Checking the Facts”
04:20 Dialectical Behavior Therapy Explained
07:03 Personal reflections on trauma responses
18:42 Steps to check the facts
30:17 Why you should challenge your assumptions
44:36 How to make amends with healthy and available people

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Transcript

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0:00.0	My job is to somehow make them curious enough or persuade them by Hooker Crow to get more aware of themselves and where they came from and what they are into and what is already there is just to bring it out.
0:21.0	This is what compels me to compel them and I will do it by whatever
0:26.4	means necessary.
0:28.4	Welcome to the Black Girls Hill podcast where we talk about healing our intimacy disorders,
0:34.3	unresolved trauma, and building a healthy relationship with first ourselves, and then
0:38.6	others. Every episode we will talk about advice you can apply today to break unhealthy patterns
0:44.3	and grow in your self-worth. I'm She Nelachee Love Edition coach and trauma
0:48.9	specialist. Let's begin.
0:57.1	Hello, hello and welcome to the latest episode of Black Girls Heel. I'm so happy to be with you again today.
1:00.3	Today we are talking about the importance of checking the facts when you feel threatened.
1:06.5	So for those of us who are healing from trauma, our threat response is usually on 10,
1:12.1	not even on 10, on this scale of the 10 is on 20.
1:15.0	So we can be very hyper vigilant and hyper aware when we feel like a person, a
1:20.3	situation, a thing is attacking us. And based on our trauma, sometimes we are exactly right.
1:26.4	Sometimes our intuition, our thought response is telling us that this is dangerous and it is time to move.
1:33.0	Moving away is the right direction to do so.
1:35.4	Cutting a prison off, cutting off a situation,
1:38.4	putting up a wall, putting up boundaries
1:40.4	is the right thing.
1:41.9	And sometimes our third response because it is so sensitive and because it's been almost over attuned to the things that have happened, it can tell us that we are in a dangerous situation, in a dangerous relationship,
1:55.6	that the person across from us is someone who wants to hurt us,
1:58.6	when that threat is actually not present,
	...

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