Did you say I love you to your parents?

You know, because of being so chaotic and so traumatic,

I don't remember.

So I know it might be kind of hard to like imagine this, but what would you have wished if you could look back on your childhood with your parents? What are some things that you wish you had heard? I love that question. I wanted to achieve success, and my life was not going to be like it was as a child. I was gonna be an adult that made it.

When I was 15 years old, I went to my very first high school party.

It was New Year's Eve and as you can imagine, there was drinking involved. I had never really partied like that before and so I got a little too drunk and did some things and said some things that I immediately regretted. The next morning when my mom came to pick me up, knew that I had had a rough night, she offered me water and then when we got home we sat on our steps in our house and had the tough but important and meaningful talk about our family's history with alcoholism and addiction. This was something that I had never heard about before and at that point in my life going to parties and drinking it was a huge shock and surprised to me that this was something that I had never heard about before and at that point in my life, going to parties and drinking, it was a huge shock and surprised to me that this was something that I had to think about and monitor as my life progressed. And that's what we're going to talk about today. Welcome to Life Happens with Barb and Michelle. The Mother-Dotter podcast where we talk about all of the stuff that nobody warns you about. And today we're diving into all of the things that we wish our parents told us and what we wish they hadn't. So that conversation we had on the steps when I was in high school, I feel like was one of those cannon events in my life at least, where you really brought up to me, a difficult conversation, shared with me, you know, not so pleasant family history. And I'm sure that that had to be really anxiety-written for you, trying to navigate how and when and why and where to talk to me about this. And you recently had an Instagram post where you talked about things that you had wished your parents talked to you about. So I think it's really cool to have this generational conversation about like how do we approach our children, how do we approach our families with navigating difficult conversations? And so can you talk a little bit about what that was like for you and maybe how you referenced in that moment your own childhood with alcoholic parents? It, that's a lot. It is a lot. No, I love this episode because it's a lot. And it's, as a parent, I just want to say that there are no books. Like my mother used to say that often She goes no one tells me what to do know what I didn't know what I was getting into she said that to you Yeah, I remember later in life It wasn't during her childhood or anything, but yeah later in life She said you know I did basically I did the best that I could you know she had five children We had very very very little money. It was and two alcohol parents. So it was very difficult So as a parent, we never know what to say or what to do at any given moment to either warn our kids or to not. You know, it's a very slippery slope or maybe kind of a really rocky road. And we try to do the best that we can. I just wanted to preface it with that. And so I actually, I didn't really think about it as a parent. You know, you were still only 15.

So alcohol and all that really wasn't in my mind

at the time. So of course I never talked to you about, you know. Were you afraid though? Your grandparents were, your grandparents, you know, your grandparents were both alcoholic. And maybe that's why you see some of the strange behavior from time to time and things like that. Was I afraid? I don't know. to do have this in the back of my mind like this is something that you had to

worry about. I didn't and I don't know when you had me to do have this in the back of my mind.

Like this is something that you had to worry about.

I didn't.

And I don't know why.

I didn't think about that. But remember, I didn't have you until I got out of treatment for bulimia. And so I had a practice that I was following. So I was always pretty present in the moment thinking, you know, I'm gonna do what I need to do when something comes up. So I didn't,

it didn't even cross my mind,

to be honest with you.

So, but when you were going to the party, and I dropped you off because you weren't driving then and all of those things that went with that, I guess I probably, you know, I don't know if I really thought about drinking there and not because I've assumed parents were there you're only 15 so I don't think it really entered my mind until you called me.

It was also a really different time.

Yeah, it really was.

We're talking about 2003, 2002. just two parents were there and you were only 15, so I don't think it really entered my mind until you called me. It was also a really different time.

Yeah, it really was. We're talking about 2003, 2002. You know, we didn't have cell phones. I think you had a beeper. So anyway, I, till you, it didn't cross my mind until you were even you called me. And you said that you were gonna spend the night because I was waiting to hear from you.

I was having so much fun.

I was waiting to hear from you to pick you up,

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