What's up ladies, I'm Lisa Bilyu and you are listening to a very special episode of Women of Impact with me, Lisa Bilyu, where I get to answer your questions. And guys, I get asked so many questions about my relationship. I've been with my husband since I was 21. We're about to celebrate our 26th year together. And it has been so many ups and downs. We have gone from my husband basically getting christened so that we could get married. My dad said no when he proposed, when my husband wanted to propose to me. We are moved across countries. I mean, we have gone through a lot. We have different religions and people always ask how we navigate things. And so today I'm answering your questions as real and as fricking honest as possible. Because honestly, while I have been fortunate enough to have successes in businesses, one, the most important and proud thing that I have in my life is my husband. So without further ado, I'm going to answer your questions right here so that you can make real change in your life. And it's going to be no BS guys. So some of the answers you may not actually even like, but it's absolute the truth of how you can have a healthy long time long lasting relationship.

Alright, so we're gonna go to number one. This is from Moe in Heald. Can a relationship truly work if only one partner is willing to go to therapy and grow? The sure answer is no, I don't believe it can work.

And the reason why I can be so confident in this is one of the questions I get asked

all the fricking time.

Is what's the number one thing you think that a relationship needs for a happy... I don't believe it can work. And the reason why I can be so confident in this is one of the questions I get asked

all the fricking time is what's the number one thing you think that a relationship needs for a happy to be happy. It is a growth mindset. It is literally the answer that I give every single time. Now why? Because let's say you are going through a rough period. Let's say you're going through parry menopause and you are erratic. You have to be able to have someone around you with a growth mindset that can tell you.

Hey, the way you're going through parry menopause and you are erratic. You have to be able to have someone around you with a growth mindset that can tell you, hey, the way you're behaving right now is erratic. I love you, I support you, but let's do this together and let's work through this together. If you're the type of person that says screw you, don't you tell me what to do, my hormones are real and I'm not going to change, your relationship can't work. I've got so many versions and examples of that that have happened with me and my husband where I was a stay-home wife. And so for eight years, I cooked, I cleaned, I did everything that I thought a woman should do, and then I realized I freaking hated it. So one day I poured him aside and I said, baby, I am no longer happy. I, in fact, I am profoundly miserable.

And I haven't told you up to now, but now I want to change my life.

What if my husband was dogmatic?

What if my husband didn't care about mindset, growth, change?

He could have said, I don't care.

I don't care that you're unhappy.

You told me you wanted five kids, as you forked.

You told me you wanted 4 kids and now you're changing? You're breaking our agreement. He didn't say that. He said, oh my god, babe, what kind of husband would I be if I put clean underwear and the kids ahead of my wife's happiness? That's the situation that you can't foresee. But if you don't know what's coming down the line, how do you protect yourself and choose a partner that you know can actually handle the rocky moment, the rocky times? It's knowing that they're always willing to change, grow, talk through things, go to therapy if needed. If someone says no, they are going to be who they are today for the rest of their lives. And you need to ask yourself whether that's the type of person you want to be with. All, now moving on to the next question, this is

from Apache Cold Corny. How'd you stop feeling insecure when your partner seems smarter or more articulate than you? Oh my god, you literally have just slapped me in the face because I have had to deal with this in my life. Okay, so the truth is, my husband is more intellectually smarter than I am. If you had an IQ test and you had us both do one, I will guarantee. And this isn't making me feel bad guys, but I will guarantee he will score so much higher on the IQ test. Now that you used to make me feel bad, it used to make me think that I couldn't hold a conversation with him. And it used to make me think that I was dumb, right? when you like have someone that you admire, you put yourself almost like in the complete opposite. So if I saw him as whip it smart, then I must be absolutely dumb. But the truth is I'm better at him on other things. I am better at him at emotional, I should say EQ. I'm better at him at EQ. I can absolutely understand someone's emotions, someone's behaviour, quicker or faster than he can. I can understand human behaviour, what needs to be nurtured as a relationship. I can be honest about the practicalities when it comes to business. He is the visionary and I'm coming in as the logistic person saying yes but you can't do that, here's why, what about this, you didn't think about this. And so I have a skill said that he doesn't have. Now, you can feel bad about you judging yourself on IQ alone or you can start to look at it holistically. Now there was one moment that actually was really staple in my husband and our relationship when it came to this. It wasn't about smarts but it was definitely about being better than someone.

It was early days, we were just dating and we're in Central London, it's first time in London and we find a poor place and they're like a snooker, a whore. So we go in and we play pool and we're on the last shot, it's like the movies, right? It's like we're just on the black. If he hits it in, he wins, if I hit it in, I win.

And of course I've seen in all movies how women would then seduce the man to miss the

ball.

I thought it would be so sexy. So I go up to him and as he's about to hit the ball, I whisper in his ear, sweet nothings, any bloody mist. And I was like, yes, and he got annoyed with me. He legitimately but upset with me. Not an outcome I actually thought I would see. So I remember saying, what on earth,

like this was supposed to be romantic,

was supposed to be sweet,

and now you're upset with me. And over time, we realized, and we talked through it, and this was like a long time ago, so we weren't as articulate as we are now. What we realized was he said to me, for babe, I thought you would only admire me if I was better than you at everything.

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