26: Why Break-Ups Are So Hard
Life Coaching with Christine Hassler
Christine Hassler
4.8 • 1.7K Ratings
🗓️ 9 March 2016
⏱️ 28 minutes
🧾️ Download transcript
Summary
You didn't do anything wrong. It's not your fault. You did the best you could with the tools you had at the time. These are powerful statements. What if you were told these things when you were young? Would you still be searching for your soulmate to complete you?
When we are born we are complete. We have a sense of unconditional love and acceptance. As we go through our human existence, we are influenced by others around us and we tend to believe what they tell us as truths. Since those people have been apart from source love for a longer time, they say things which may not be encouraging for us. We then experience the illusion of separation. We feel a longing for the love and acceptance of others to fill the void and heal our core wound.
If you have ever chased love, been deeply hurt by a breakup or felt addicted to another person, you are unconsciously longing to find your way back to source love. The hurt may be hard for your ego to accept but your soul needs internal love, not love from another person. It is time to reprogram yourself. It is time to move away from being a victim and time to release your anger instead of recycling it.
Today, Deborah thinks her issue is about her indecisive new love but we find out it is not really about him but about her and her story, which is ripe for being revised.
If anything in this episode resonates with you, get my book Expectation Hangover and come to one of my signature retreats. Together we will help you to release the feelings which no longer serve you.
Consider/Ask Yourself:
- Are you really hooked into someone in an unhealthy relationship?
- Are you still reeling from a break-up and you don't know how you will move on?
- Have you felt a sense of loneliness or not belonging? Is there a void you are attempting to fill?
- Do you believe once you meet your soulmate everything will be wonderful and you will feel complete?
Deborah's Question:
Deborah is having a difficult time understanding why her recent great "love" keeps distancing himself from her and why her heart feels lost.
Deborah's Key Insights and Aha's:
- She brought the relationship to herself to heal a core wound
- She is stuck at the emotional level
- Loss is a core wound in her life
- She realizes she needs to release her old story
- It's not her fault
How to get over it and on with it:
- She should release her emotions, not just recycle them
- Try an adult temper tantrum
- Make use of release writing until her energy shifts
- Understand that Little Deborah did the best she could with the tools she had at the time
- Try mothering herself as a younger child
- Be choosy about what and who you believe
- See past relationships for what they are, which is learning opportunities
Tools and Takeaways:
- Read Facing Love Addiction by Pia Mellody
- Use the emotional section of Expectation Hangover and do the meditations
- Unfriend your ex on social media
- Start your spiritual practice
Sponsor:
Onnit Wellness - Receive a 10% discount on your purchase when you order through this link.
Resources:
@christinhassler on twitter
@christinehassler on Instagram
christine@christinehassler.com
Facing Love Addiction by Pia Mellody
Transcript
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| 0:00.0 | Welcome to Over It and On With It. I'm your host Christine Hasler and for over a decade I've been a life coach, speaker, and author. |
| 0:10.0 | Each week you'll hear me work directly with a caller as I coach them through a goal they want to accomplish or an obstacle they may be facing. |
| 0:16.0 | I'll provide a blend of practical and spiritual advice as well as tangible actions you can apply to your own life. |
| 0:22.0 | Now let's get on with the episode. |
| 0:24.0 | Welcome back everybody. |
| 0:30.0 | So a lot of the sessions on the show are about breakups or some kind of |
| 0:35.0 | relationship challenge and whether you're going through a breakup or not there's |
| 0:38.8 | always something to learn because what breakups illuminate most is a core wound we all have to deal with |
| 0:45.4 | healing which is the illusion of separation and I've talked a little bit |
| 0:50.4 | about this I talked about it in the parenting episode but I want to dive into it a little bit about this. I talked about it in the parenting episode, but I want to dive into it a little bit more. So when we're born, we know we're not separate. We know we're connected. We know we're connected to God source, love, whatever you want to call it and we are |
| 1:05.0 | unconditionally loved and that connection feels absolutely amazing and |
| 1:12.0 | then life happens things happen. We slip more into humanness |
| 1:17.4 | consciousness we grow up and the illusion of separation occurs. |
| 1:24.0 | We sort of forget about that connection to God |
| 1:27.9 | and we project it on parents first, |
| 1:29.9 | and then we go and project it on romantic relationships and all of us as humans feel this longing, |
| 1:37.0 | this longing for love, for acceptance, for completeness, and we look to fill it in a variety of ways either the relationships or |
| 1:46.1 | career or money or having a certain body or living in a certain place whatever it is. |
| 1:51.6 | But the most common way is in relationship. We're |
| 1:55.5 | kind of sold. There's this one soulmate out there for us and movies like |
| 1:59.4 | Jerry McGuire with lines like you completely reinforce the conditioning that something's missing and |
| 2:05.3 | then when we find this special someone then will feel full. |
... |
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